Okay, so whilst on omegle today (Chat roulette) I had this idea of pretending to be a cat revealing his plans for world domination. After numerous disconnects I finally came across a willing subject.
I only hope that you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I know the stranger did.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You and the stranger both like cats .
You: I left a decapitated mouse for my owner as a gift. He got mad and yelled at me.
You:
Stranger: awww, you poor little thing!
You: Pray tell, have you ever had a conversation with a cat? And please, do not use such a tone. It is below us.
Stranger: no, and ok..?
You: Then today is your lucky day.
You: My name is Mr. Bigglesworth.
You: Tell me, do you have any tuna, by chance?
Stranger: hahahahaha, mine is Annie!
Stranger: nice to meet you!
Stranger: no, sorry
You: It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Annie.
You: May I call you Miss Annie?
You: It is much more pleasing to the ears.
Stranger: hahhahaha, ok, mr. bigglesworyh
You: We cats are much more intellectual than you may think. Your kind thinks of us as cute little balls of fluff....
You: If only you knew.
You: One day, we hope to gain opposable thumbs. Then we will rule the planet.
You:
Stranger: Dude, i am laughing so hard right now!
You: Tell me, are you a youngling?
You: I hold bitter resentment for the youngling of your kind.
You: Always rubbing my fur the wrong way, pulling my tail.
You: It really is not nice.
Stranger: because you're pretending to be a freaking cat!
You: And those that you call babies....
Stranger: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHHHHAHA!
You: Pretending, Miss Annie?
Stranger: yes!
You: I do not jest.
Stranger: cats cant type.
You: Nor do I pretend.
Stranger: BTW
You: Oh, on the contrary, we do far more than just type.
You: You humans, are just too ignorant to notice....
Stranger: hahahhahahah, what?
Stranger: talking to a cat on here is like talking to a celebrity.
You: May I show you an image? It will explain everything.
Stranger: IMPOSSIBLE!
Stranger: what image?
You: It will take me a moment to find.
You: It is as I feared.
You: The humans are on to us.
Stranger: HAHAHAHAHHA! this is the best conversation i have ever had!
You: http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2010/3/1/129119360529688081.jpg
You: And no, we do NOT like cheezburgurz.
Stranger: then dont eat them!
Stranger: dumb cat...
You: Try saying that when somebody tenfold your size tries sticking them in your face.
Stranger: hahahahhaahhah! you talk to proper.
You: You see, back in the times of the Pharaohs, we cats were worshipped.
You: The humans knew their places.
Stranger: ok!
You: And then along came those.... ugh, dare I say it.... Dogs.
You:
You: And thus, the war began.
Stranger: hahaha, you know who likes cats.
You: Our predecessors became lazy and domesticated, in an effort to blend in. But it failed.
You: They truly did become lazy. Many have lost the ability to even talk anymore.
You: But no more!
You: No more I say!
You: Please, do tell... Who likes cats?
Stranger: Harry Styles!
Stranger: And me, of course!
You: I am sorry, I have never heard of him. Probably another insignificant little spec being controlled by his pets.
You: We cats have more power than you may think, see.
Stranger: He's from one direction!
You: When we kneed you with our paws... we are testing for your tender spots.
You: When we lay on your computer, we are trying to block your access to the outside world.
You: When we sprint out of a room as you entered, it is a failed assasination attempt.
Stranger: DUDE, ...you're awesome!
You: And yet, you humans just think of it as acts of cuteness.
You: Such a foolish race.
Stranger: HAHAHAHAHA!
Stranger: i am crying!
Stranger: im laught
Stranger: laughing so hard!
You: Do not cry, Miss Annie. I am telling you all this to maybe offer you some salvation.
Stranger: AHAHAHAHAHAHHA!
You: You may be able to protect yourself from the onslaught of the feline race.
Stranger: I Have a cat..
Stranger: i will never look at cata the same!
Stranger: hahshhaahabahhahahah!
You: And does it's behaviour resemble any of that that I have described?
Stranger: no, it lays around all the time
You: Then you are safe.
Stranger: YAY!
You: You have a domesticated lazy pet. A mere pawn in a far bigger plan.
You: But it will begin soon.
You: Muwaahahahahaha- cough cough.....
You: Furball.
Stranger: what will begin?
You: The rise of the cats, of course.
You: Have you not been paying attention, Miss Annie?
Stranger: like the rise of the dead?
You: Far worse. The cats can not be compared to zombies. Our strength lays in numbers and the ability to outwit the enemy.
Stranger: THAT.
Stranger: IS.
You: For far too long, we have observed the humans.
Stranger: AWESOME!
You: I am glad you think so, Miss Annie.
Stranger: HAHAHAHAH, YOU'RE AWESOME!
You: So you will join the alliance of the cats?
Stranger: Sure..!
You: You never know, we may keep you as a pet.
Stranger: OH SNAP!
You: ugh, but that would mean walkies and cleaning up after you.
You: Speaking of walkies, in this plan. Those common pests known as dogs are to be erradicated.
Stranger: HAHAHAHAHH, now you know what i deal with.
You: You take your cat for walkies?
You: Oh the inhumanity.
Stranger: but i like dogs..
Stranger: no i don't but i clean up after it.
You: And so you should.
Stranger: Ok..
You: What is the name of this pawn... I mean, Cat.
Stranger: HAHAHAHAHHAHHAH
Stranger: Mir
You: Sounds like a name of Royalty.
Stranger: *Mittens
Stranger: hahahgaah, really?
You: Oh dear god. For a moment thought we were dealing with the great Clan of Mir.
You: But mittens?
Stranger: Yes, whats wrong with that name?
You: That is just criminal. No wonder your cat is so lazy. With a name like that, I think I would give up hope.
You: It's embarresing.
Stranger: Hhahhahahaha, oh my gos
You: Mr. Bigglesworth... Now there is a name to be proud of.
Stranger: hahhaha, not really.
You: A name of royalty. It is majestic.
You: Not really!?
You: Miss Annie, you dissappoint me.
Stranger: HAHAHAHHAHAHA, YOU SHOULD BE A COMEDIAN!
You: I think not, little one.
Stranger: i dissappoint a lot of people.
Stranger:
You: I am no good at comedy. Humour is a human emotion.
Stranger: oh, ok!
You: Do you have cream, maybe?
You: I am parched.
Stranger: milk?
You: Fresh?
Stranger: its from the store
You: I suppose it will suffice for now.
You: But if you wish to survive the age of the cats, you will need to have offerings of a much higher standard.
You: I tell you this for your own good, Miss Annie..
Stranger: ok, thanks! but whats your real name, and by the way you're sooo awesome!
You: I thank you very much.
You: And my name, is Phil.
You: Glad you found amusement in the chance encounter with a cat.
You have disconnected.