Harbinger: "Assuming Direct Control."
Shepard: "Twenty years is a long time to hold a grudge."
Zaeed: "A grudge?! Vido turned my men against me. He paid six of them to restrain me while he put a gun to my head and pulled the trigger. For twenty years I've seen that ******* every time I've closed my eyes. Every time I've sighted down on a target. Every time I've heard a gunshot. Don't you call that a ******* grudge."
Shepard: "You survived a gunshot to the head?"
Zaeed: "Yeah, and you survived your ship getting disintegrated. A stubborn enough person can survive just about anything. Rage is a hell of an anesthetic"
Wrex: "Garrus… I have to make friends with the one turian in the galaxy who thinks he’s funny."
Garrus: "Imagine how I feel. I’m supposed to hate krogan, but you came along and warmed my heart with your winning personality."
Wrex: "I could throw a few salarians off a cliff if it’ll make you feel better."
Mordin: "Had to be me, someone else might have gotten it wrong."
Mordin: "Have killed many Shepard. Many methods. Gunfire, knives, drugs, tech attacks, once with farming equipment. But not with medicine."
Garrus: I'm Garrus Vakarian, and this is my favorite spot on the Citadel!
Garrus [a turian]: What's the first order an Alliance commander gives at the start of combat? Joker: [an Alliance Flight Lieutenant] Uh... I give up. Garrus: Correct. Joker: Ha-ha-ha, alright big guy, what do you call it when a turian gets killed by a horrible spikey monster? Garrus: Friendly fire. Come on, that one goes back to Shanxi! [the contested planet in the First Contact War between the humans and the turians, which was the first time humanity encountered living aliens] Joker: Hey, you gotta respect the classics. Garrus: How many humans does it take to activate a dormant mass relay? Joker: 602. Six hundred to vote on it, one to ask the asari for technical help, and one to request a seat on the Council afterwards. How do you know when a turian's out of ammo? Garrus: He switches to the stick up his *** as a back-up weapon. [in Mass Effect 2, Joker described Garrus as finally having pulled out "that stick up his ***" and now "trying to beat guys to death with it"] Why does the Alliance hire pilots with Brittle Bone disease? Joker: You're ******** me! The turian military has one about me? Garrus: Oh absolutely, I heard it myself from a private back on Palaven. Joker: Alright, why does the Alliance hire pilots with Brittle Bone disease? Garrus: So their Marines can beat someone in hand-to-hand drills. Joker: Damn, you need to tell James that one. Hey, what's the hardest part about treating a turian who took a rocket to the side of his face? [Garrus took a rocket to the side of his face in Mass Effect 2 while facing a gunship with a sniper rifle] Garrus: Figuring out which side took the rocket.