BZ, I would head to the local clinic ASAP! Apparently you have been diagnosed with...
Forcitis Imaculatus. Forcitis is a serious condition caused by strain induced from thinking one has "force" powers. This disease may cause swelling and or leaking of the anus when straining, itching, rash, nausea and complete bladder control lose when bending over. Lucky for you we have Obi-Wan's Rear Admiral Cream. Apply a generous portion between both cheeks and around the inner thigh to maximize lubrication and soothe sore areas. Apply 9 times daily until effected areas clear up or you realize your not a Jedi. Side effects of the cream include, involuntary vomiting, lose of consciousness, fever, heavy sweating, possible Gerbil death, amnesia and or loss of all motor skills. Ask your doctor if your healthy enough for sex while taking Obi-Wan's.
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