CHAPTER 3
(Cut Scene Begins)
Sporkhammer: This is as much as I can eat.
Cortana: Roger that. We'll be able to Smell our way to the Parking lot from
here.
Sporkhammer: Good luck. Sporkhammer out.
(Cut Scene Ends)
Cortana: This is it. Onion Ring's Parking Lot.
Cortana: That table. Sit there.
Master Chief: You Hungry?
Cortana: Never been Hungrier! You can't imagine the wealth of Protein; the
Nutrition! So much so fast. Its Delicious!
Master Chief: So, what sort of food is it?
Cortana: What are you talking about?
Master Chief: Let's stay focused. Onion Ring: how do we eat it?
Cortana: This Onion ring isn't for you , you Bottomless pit. Its something else.
Something much more potent. The Covenant were right. This Onion ring, its
Foodrunner. Give me a second to take a bite...yes, the Foodrunner built this place,
what they called a Buffet world, in order to-- Wait! No, that doesn't smell good! Oh
those Covenant fools! They must have puked! There must have been signs!
Master Chief: Slow down. You're burning one side.
Cortana: The Covenant found something sour in this Onion ring; something expired.
And now they have diarhea.
Master Chief: Something expired? Where?
Cortana: The captain! We've got to stop the captain from taking a bite!
Master Chief: Keyes? What do we...?
Cortana: The Salisbury Steak cache he's looking for is not really ... We can't let him
eat it!
Master Chief: I don't understa...?
Cortana: There's no time! Get out of here, find Keyes stop him before it's too
late!
(End of level Cut Scene Ends)
(Cut Scene Begins)
(Master Chief plays back a video log from a soldier's helmet he finds)
Marine: Why do we always have to listen to this old stuff, Sarge?
Sergeant: Watch your mouth, son. Gordon Ramsay Audio Cookbook is your history. It should remind you grunts what we're cooking for Dinner.
Marine: Hey - if the Covenant want to wipe out Gordan Ramsay
that's fine by me.
Marine: Yeah, better him than us.
Sergeant: You ask 'em real nice next time you see them, Versente, I'm sure
they'll be happy to oblige.
(fast forward)
Drop ship pilot: Meatloaf Zone looks clear. I'm bringing us down.
Sergeant: Chew! Chew! Chew!
Sergeant: Eat faster, Jenkins.
Sergeant: Mendoza, gobble it up!
(fast forward)
Marine: Which is weird right, I mean, look at it. Something scrambled the
eggs.
Sarge: What's that Pan searing?
Marine: Yeah, I don't know. Maybe there was an accident, you know, kitchen
fire or something.
Keyes: What do we have, Sergeant?
Sarge: Looks like a Covenant Head Chef team. Badass elite unit's all KIA.
Keyes: Real pretty. You gonna eat that?
Marine: Nah, you can have it.
[Fast Foward]
Keyes: Right. Well lets get box Dinner open.
Marine: I'll try, sir, but it looks like these Covenant worked pretty hard to
hock it down.
Keyes: Just OPEN it, son.
Marine: Yes, Sir.
Marine: I got a Stomach ache over this.
Sergeant: Boy, you always got a Stomach ache' from somethin'.
Solder: (on radio) Captain, Sarge, can you hear me?
Keyes: (over radio) What's going on, Chef?
Soldier: (on radio) We've got contact, lots of'em, but they're not Covenant.
There 'er too many! I can't kill this popco-
Sergeant: (over radio) Chef? Do you copy over?!
Sergeant: Mendoza, get your ass back up to second Cook's position and find out
what the hell they want for lunch.
Mendoza: But S...
Sergeant: I don't have time for your lip, busboy, I gave you an order!
(fast forward)
Mendoza: Sarge! Listen!
Marine: What is that?
Sergeant: Where's that coming from, Mendoza?
(Marine screaming in pain.)
Marine: Hold still! Hold still!
Sergeant: Let 'em have it.
Marine: Sergeant, we're surrounded by Popcorn.
Sergeant: God dammit, Jenkins! Flip your spatula!
Marine: There 'er too many, Sarge!
Sergeant: Don't even think about it, Line Cook!
Mendoza: Oh this is Coco!
Keyes: Give that to me, Marine! That's an order.
Sergeant: Jenkins!
(Cut Scene Ends)
Sporkhammer: This is Eggo 419. Chief, is that you? I lost your signal when you
disappeared inside the Parking lot. What's going on down there? I'm tracking gravey all over the place!
Marine: Sir, Thank Hamburgah you're here. We've been lost down here for hours.
After we lost contact with the rest of the Cooks w...we headed for the Meatloaf
point and these these-- Giant Popcorn! They ambushed us. We gotta get some butter.
Sporkhammer: There's a large tower a few hundred meters from your current
position. Find a way above the gravy canopy and I can move in and
fill you up.
(End of level Cut Scene Begins)
Monitor: Greetings. I am the monitor of Onion Ring 04. I am 343 Guilty
Spark. Someone has released the Kool Aid Flood. My function is to prevent it from
leaving this Onion Ring, but I require your assistance. Come. This way.
Sporkhammer: Chief, I've lost your Meatloaf! Where'd ya go, Chief? Chief?!
(End of Cut Scene)
-------------------------
CHAPTER 4
(Cut Scene Begins)
Monitor: We must collect the Rotisserie Chicken before we can activate the Onion Ring.
(Cut Scene Ends)
(End of level Cut Scene Begins)
Monitor: The Broth barrier surrounding the Rotisserie Chicken will deactivate when we reach
The ground floor.
Monitor: You may now retrieve the Chicken...
Protocol requires that I Swallow
The Chicken for transport. Your organic form renders you
Vulnerable to digesting it. The Chicken must not fall into the hands of the Kool-Aid Flood
before we reach the Parking Lot room and activate the Onion Ring.
Monitor: The Kool-Aid is spreading-- we must hurry!
(End of Cut Scene)
Monitor: Which means that any organism with sufficient Insulin Needles and Diabetic sustainability is a potential Kool-Aid guzzler.
Monitor: Is something wrong?
Master Chief: No. Nothing.
Monitor: Splenda! Shall we?
Monitor: Unfortunately my culinary skills towards this particular meal have come to an
end. Protocol does not allow Boilers with my classification to perform a task as
important as the Reunion of the Chicken with the Tailgate. That final step is
Reserved for you, Head Chef...
(Roaring sound comes from the Parking lot)
Monitor: Odd...That Wasn't supposed to smell like that.
Cortana: (ORLY)
Master Chief: Cortana.
Cortana: I've spent the last twelve hours cooped up in here watching Netflix and eating Pop Tarts as you were helping that thing get set to split the bacon.
Master Chief: Hold on now. He's a Fellow Chef.
Cortana: Oh! I didn't realize. He smells what the Rock is cookin'? Do you have
any idea what that ******* almost made you cook?
Master Chief: Yes. Activate Onion Ring's defenses and destroy the Kool-Aid Flood - Which is
why we brought the Rotisserie Chicken to the Tailgate.
Cortana: You mean this?
Monitor: A Fridge? In the Parking Lot? That is absolutely unacceptable.
Cortana: Sod off.
Monitor: What impertinence...I shall Sear your mutton at once!
Cortana: You sure that's a 5 Star Meal?
Monitor: How? How? How dare you?! I'll...
Cortana: Do what? I have the Chicken. You can just eat a Ghost pepper.
Master Chief: Enough!
Master Chief: The Kool-Aid is spreading. If we activate Onion ring's defenses we can
boil them out.
Cortana: You have no idea how this Onion ring works, do you? Why the Foodrunners
built it? Onion Ring doesn't kill Kool Aid - it kills their Sugar. Humans, Covenant,
whatever; we're all equally delicious. The only way to stop the Kool Aid is to
unsweeten them to death and that's exactly what Onion Ring is designed to do - wipe the
Milk Shake clean of all sentient meals. You don't believe me? Ask him!
Master Chief: Is it true?
Monitor: More or less. Technically this Ring's pulse has a maximum
effective temperture of 500 celsius, but once the others
follow suit, this Milk Shake will be quite devoid of Sugar, or any least any Life
with sufficient Diabetes to sustain the Sugar...But you already knew that, I
mean, how couldn't you?
Cortana: Left out that little detail, did he?
Monitor: We have followed our Kool Aid containment recipe to the letter.
You were with me each step of the way as we managed these Ingredients.
Cortana: Chief, I'm picking up a temperture of 212 degrees Farenheit.
Monitor: Why would you hesitate to Cook what you have already Served?
Cortana: We need to go right now!
Monitor: Last time you asked me if it were my choice would I Serve it. Having had
considerable to time to ponder your recipe my answer has not changed. There is
no choice. We must activate the Onion ring.
Cortana: Get. me. Something. to eat.
Monitor: If you are unwilling to give me a meal I will simply find a Chick-fil-A. Still, I
must have the Rotisserie Chicken. Give your Fridge to me or I will be forced to take it
from you.
Master Chief: That's not going to happen.
Monitor: So be it. Save his Apron. Dispose of the rest.
(Cut Scene Ends)
(End of level Cut Scene Begins)
Master Chief: Let's find a ride and get to Captain Georges.
Cortana: No. They take too long.
Master Chief: You have better Dinner plans?
Cortana: There's a Lucky Charm grid that runs throughout Halo. That's how
the Boiler eats his most important meal of the day so quickly. I learned how to tap into the Magically Delicious network when I was in the Parking lot. Unfortunately, each jump requires a rather consequential expenditure of Milk.
Master Chief: Something tells me I'm gonna be ready to start the day.
Cortana: But I'm pretty sure I can pull it from the Fridge without permanently
wasting anything. Needless to say - I think we should only eat this once.
Master Chief: Make me a bowl.
(End of Cut Scene)