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Okay, so whilst on omegle today (Chat roulette) I had this idea of pretending to be a cat revealing his plans for world domination. After numerous disconnects I finally came across a willing subject. I only hope that you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I know the stranger did. You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You and the stranger both like cats . You: I left a decapitated mouse for my owner as a gift. He got mad and yelled at me. You: Stranger: awww, you poor little thing! You: Pray tell, have you ever had a conversation with a cat? And please, do not use such a tone. It is below us. Stranger: no, and ok..? You: Then today is your lucky day. You: My name is Mr. Bigglesworth. You: Tell me, do you have any tuna, by chance? Stranger: hahahahaha, mine is Annie! Stranger: nice to meet you! Stranger: no, sorry You: It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Annie. You: May I call you Miss Annie? You: It is much more pleasing to the ears. Stranger: hahhahaha, ok, mr. bigglesworyh You: We cats are much more intellectual than you may think. Your kind thinks of us as cute little balls of fluff.... You: If only you knew. You: One day, we hope to gain opposable thumbs. Then we will rule the planet. You: Stranger: Dude, i am laughing so hard right now! You: Tell me, are you a youngling? You: I hold bitter resentment for the youngling of your kind. You: Always rubbing my fur the wrong way, pulling my tail. You: It really is not nice. Stranger: because you're pretending to be a freaking cat! You: And those that you call babies.... Stranger: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHHHHAHA! You: Pretending, Miss Annie? Stranger: yes! You: I do not jest. Stranger: cats cant type. You: Nor do I pretend. Stranger: BTW You: Oh, on the contrary, we do far more than just type. You: You humans, are just too ignorant to notice.... Stranger: hahahhahahah, what? Stranger: talking to a cat on here is like talking to a celebrity. You: May I show you an image? It will explain everything. Stranger: IMPOSSIBLE! Stranger: what image? You: It will take me a moment to find. You: It is as I feared. You: The humans are on to us. Stranger: HAHAHAHAHHA! this is the best conversation i have ever had! You: http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2010/3/1/129119360529688081.jpg You: And no, we do NOT like cheezburgurz. Stranger: then dont eat them! Stranger: dumb cat... You: Try saying that when somebody tenfold your size tries sticking them in your face. Stranger: hahahahhaahhah! you talk to proper. You: You see, back in the times of the Pharaohs, we cats were worshipped. You: The humans knew their places. Stranger: ok! You: And then along came those.... ugh, dare I say it.... Dogs. You: You: And thus, the war began. Stranger: hahaha, you know who likes cats. You: Our predecessors became lazy and domesticated, in an effort to blend in. But it failed. You: They truly did become lazy. Many have lost the ability to even talk anymore. You: But no more! You: No more I say! You: Please, do tell... Who likes cats? Stranger: Harry Styles! Stranger: And me, of course! You: I am sorry, I have never heard of him. Probably another insignificant little spec being controlled by his pets. You: We cats have more power than you may think, see. Stranger: He's from one direction! You: When we kneed you with our paws... we are testing for your tender spots. You: When we lay on your computer, we are trying to block your access to the outside world. You: When we sprint out of a room as you entered, it is a failed assasination attempt. Stranger: DUDE, ...you're awesome! You: And yet, you humans just think of it as acts of cuteness. You: Such a foolish race. Stranger: HAHAHAHAHA! Stranger: i am crying! Stranger: im laught Stranger: laughing so hard! You: Do not cry, Miss Annie. I am telling you all this to maybe offer you some salvation. Stranger: AHAHAHAHAHAHHA! You: You may be able to protect yourself from the onslaught of the feline race. Stranger: I Have a cat.. Stranger: i will never look at cata the same! Stranger: hahshhaahabahhahahah! You: And does it's behaviour resemble any of that that I have described? Stranger: no, it lays around all the time You: Then you are safe. Stranger: YAY! You: You have a domesticated lazy pet. A mere pawn in a far bigger plan. You: But it will begin soon. You: Muwaahahahahaha- cough cough..... You: Furball. Stranger: what will begin? You: The rise of the cats, of course. You: Have you not been paying attention, Miss Annie? Stranger: like the rise of the dead? You: Far worse. The cats can not be compared to zombies. Our strength lays in numbers and the ability to outwit the enemy. Stranger: THAT. Stranger: IS. You: For far too long, we have observed the humans. Stranger: AWESOME! You: I am glad you think so, Miss Annie. Stranger: HAHAHAHAH, YOU'RE AWESOME! You: So you will join the alliance of the cats? Stranger: Sure..! You: You never know, we may keep you as a pet. Stranger: OH SNAP! You: ugh, but that would mean walkies and cleaning up after you. You: Speaking of walkies, in this plan. Those common pests known as dogs are to be erradicated. Stranger: HAHAHAHAHH, now you know what i deal with. You: You take your cat for walkies? You: Oh the inhumanity. Stranger: but i like dogs.. Stranger: no i don't but i clean up after it. You: And so you should. Stranger: Ok.. You: What is the name of this pawn... I mean, Cat. Stranger: HAHAHAHAHHAHHAH Stranger: Mir You: Sounds like a name of Royalty. Stranger: *Mittens Stranger: hahahgaah, really? You: Oh dear god. For a moment thought we were dealing with the great Clan of Mir. You: But mittens? Stranger: Yes, whats wrong with that name? You: That is just criminal. No wonder your cat is so lazy. With a name like that, I think I would give up hope. You: It's embarresing. Stranger: Hhahhahahaha, oh my gos You: Mr. Bigglesworth... Now there is a name to be proud of. Stranger: hahhaha, not really. You: A name of royalty. It is majestic. You: Not really!? You: Miss Annie, you dissappoint me. Stranger: HAHAHAHHAHAHA, YOU SHOULD BE A COMEDIAN! You: I think not, little one. Stranger: i dissappoint a lot of people. Stranger: You: I am no good at comedy. Humour is a human emotion. Stranger: oh, ok! You: Do you have cream, maybe? You: I am parched. Stranger: milk? You: Fresh? Stranger: its from the store You: I suppose it will suffice for now. You: But if you wish to survive the age of the cats, you will need to have offerings of a much higher standard. You: I tell you this for your own good, Miss Annie.. Stranger: ok, thanks! but whats your real name, and by the way you're sooo awesome! You: I thank you very much. You: And my name, is Phil. You: Glad you found amusement in the chance encounter with a cat. You have disconnected.