Eternal Night (Story written) *in progress*

[Minuette]

So, after failing to find my notebook that kept all my ideas and even a completed story was lost in my house, I decided why not start a story off the series I am doing? So I created this somewhere in the ten to fifteen minute mark

 

"Sam, what do you mean he hasn't come back? Is The machine still working?" Says chavez " No, the machine apparently stopped once we got here. He's trapped" "Dammit, I knew something was up, get that thing up and running and get James out of there!" Chavez as he walks out the door into a field of green and steps up to a hidden panel behind a rock and presses in the numbers *115* "This thing never works the first time around" and Chavez kicks the panel and a whole quarter of a acre revealing machines and vehicles down below and a elevator on the side.

"Sir, we have a situation with James" Says a Solider with a name plate saying Sargeant Hemals "Go on"

"The Dimension he was teleported to contains hostile species that will attack anyone who are unworthy, still haven't figured the rest out" Chavez continues to walk towards his private Jet "So, are you saying James has the potential of dying in there?" "Yes" "Tell sam to hurry up on making that machine come online, we need to get him out of there" Chavez enters the Jet and takes off a few minutes after.

 

"Crispy we have a problem" James says to his AI as he walks to the edge of a cliff over looking a city and a

a dark red long spaceship figure hovering over the city

"James, we need to leave now, I fear that ship is hostile" "Wait, we must know what they are, we're going in" james says as he slides down the cliff and hits the ground with a thump wearing his Warfare combat suit V2 that makes impacts upon falling lighter.

"James, incoming transmission from a unknown entity"

"Don't come to us, you won't be able to survive this fight, I've been tracking you for a long time, these enemies are way out of your league, they are out of our league too, that means you better get as far from this place as possible, you got it?" Says a unknown human "Who are you fighting? I must know" "It's a intergalactic species called alricon, they are a dangerous species that kill anyone on sight, so get out of here or you will meet a bitter fate" "Fine, I'll back off, for now" "You better no---" The rest of the transmission cut off with static filling James ears.

"The signal is lost james, we better follow his advice."

 

 

After finishing half of the story, I'm going to redo the whole sotry with more detail.

 

 

Feedback is greatly appreciated ;D

[Victory Element]

this sounds pretty cool, but i wish there was more of a background story given to it (time period, etc.)

[Minuette]

this sounds pretty cool, but i wish there was more of a background story given to it (time period, etc.)

You'll learn further on, I like to keep some mystery behind that keeps readers wanting more, but looking back at this, I've could of done a lot better. My writing/story development skills are bad because I haven't written a story since 6th grade

[King of Winter]

You'll learn further on, I like to keep some mystery behind that keeps readers wanting more, but looking back at this, I've could of done a lot better. My writing/story development skills are bad because I haven't written a story since 6th grade

 

That always happens to me. You know that story I'm writing? Royal Blood. I reread it after I "finalized" it and I have revised it about 20 times so far. Changing things to one thing, then changing it back. Its so frustrating trying to get that dreaded perfection.

[Victory Element]

You'll learn further on, I like to keep some mystery behind that keeps readers wanting more, but looking back at this, I've could of done a lot better. My writing/story development skills are bad because I haven't written a story since 6th grade

 

well, i hope to read more then