My new Halo machinima series - Feedback?

[HardlinePro]

Hello all, I bring to you my new Halo machinima series, "DAWN OF REVOLUTION". Enjoy.

 

 

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It is has been five years since the Great War with the Covenant. The Spartans were the victors, but not all victors get the spoils. The war was only just the beginning. In the aftermath, Spartans began to turn Rogue, driven by the urge to kill and quest for power, a group of Rogue Spartans rose to power. Led by former war hero, Chancellor Gregory, the group is only seen wearing variants of grey and white armor, they consider Spartans who wear anything else to be traitors. But on the opposition, a group of Rebels led by another former war hero, General Danson, have taken matters into their own hands. They wish to bring down Chancellor Gregory and his Rogues, who now dictate the entire galaxy. The Rebels wish to bring back Democracy. Rumor has it that Danson and Gregory both served in the same squad during the Great War. But now pitted against each other, Chancellor Gregory has ordered the capture and execution of all Spartans not wearing white or grey colored armor...

 

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Each season will contain 6 episodes. Comments, feedback, and suggestions are always welcome.

 

Also, be aware that that I am  working on Season 2 and if you would like to help act in future episodes then message me on XBL, GT: Adam429

[Is not JL]

Well, I don't think Machinima belongs in a Forge subforum, so maybe ask someone to move it.

 

 

 

Ok, first of all, your plot surprisingly works. I take it most of these Spartans ar S-IVs? 

Well, one of the issues I have is your intro. You just practically say out the above paragraph that's already in the description. I would have loved it if instead of entering your universe through a bunch of speech, for you to actually have a way to let us know of the setting, the plot so far, etc. in the video that doesn't involve boring talk over moving pictures.

 

Right, as for camera work, there's too many scenes re-used, some too many close ups. More variety, and also a moving camera, would be ok.

 

Voicing? The first black spartan sounded like he was gargling balls while speaking. There were quite a lot of pops in the sound - sibilance and plosive sounds that is just big, loud and usually annoying without filters or editing. You can hear lotsof shhhh hssh sounds.

[HardlinePro]

is up. Let me know what you think!

[Creative Gaming Inc.]

The editing isn't great, particularly the title where the words fly in from either side in a bold, cliche font. Camera movement isn't great. The flashback thing was really bad.

The sound is bad. The voice acting is pretty bad. Way too close to the mic. Doesn't sound genuine. Voices are very… weird. Honestly the steel Recruit at the beginning sounds like, uh… not someone with… military qualifications. And the green guy yawned during one of his lines. When he screamed "NOOOO!" it was cliche and ingenuine and sounded like "MMMMMMHFFFFFFFHHHHHMMMM!" And his Rs are weird. Is he supposed to be British? Oh god that's a TERRIBLE British accent. I don't know what's up with the orange guy, that is not a human voice. It sounds like Austrtian Optimus Prime drank alcoholic fuel. Everyone is extremely overacting. Why does the one guy sound like a robot? Chanselor sounds like a fifteen-year-old wannabe gangster who thinks he's tough crap, then his voice gets really rough all the sudden. The gold recruit sounds like he's nine. The green guy with the Tracker helmet sounds like he's six. 

 

The dialogue doesn't seem genuine. "No way!" "Yes way!" "No way!" And makes no sense that Austrius Prime would help the guy find his family all the sudden, after trying to shoot him, which in turn succeeded him saving his life, unless he really is drunk. And what kind of war lord says, "ikr?"