Halo the Arctic Threat ( Fan made novel )

[Frankenzer]

Prologue/ Location: Reach/ Fall of Reach/ 

              Reach nearing it's end most if not all defenses destroyed the covenant are now beginning to glass the planet. Meanwhile the UNSC Arctic,a UNSC Marathon class frigate , was sent to evacuate civilians as it landed it dispatched almost all of it's infantry to escort civilians. The marines went to the building the civilians were held and to their surprise an elite group of spartans called Spire Team were already protecting the civilians from the bloodthirsty covenant army. The Spartans happily accepted the help of the marines. Clearing out almost all the covenant standing in their way of evacuating the civilians but to their surprise the building got blown up by almost 10 banshees unleashing their fuel rod cannons to destroy it. With the building's destruction came the deaths of all the civilians and almost all marine fire teams. All hope lost the captain of the UNSC Arctic, Captain Abraham Williams, commanded all the spartans and the marines to leave the battlefield and board the Arctic to get out of Reach. The marines immediately got on board but the Spartans hesitated but made their choice and they decided to leave knowing they wouldn't stand a chance against the covenant who are now glassing and destroying Reach. The Ship then proceeded to leave Reach after making sure no one was left behind. It unleashed all it's weapons at all the covenant ship it sees but it did little to no damage at all because of it's shields the ship then initiated a random slipspace jump, obeying the cole protocol. Before it was able to leave covenant ships fired at it but it was able to complete the jump. After this the ship found itself in the middle of outer space, it's translight engine damaged beyond repair. It's stuck now so the captain ordered everyone that is not needed to operate the ship to go to Cryo Sleep. The ship now operates under a skeleton crew.             

Edited June 5, 2013 by Frankenzer

[D-38 Boss]

This is really good to start, but I'd spend a little more time working on Punctuation, there are a few sentences that run on a bit, other than that, I'm excited to see how this turns out.

[Is not JL]

Grammar could do some work, spacing as well. Personally, I feel like this could've worked better as a blurb rather than a prologue, but that's just my opinion.

[Caboose The Ace]

heh I don't know if any of you watch star wars the clone wars but this kinda reminds me of one of the episodes

[Vangelis]

That was pretty good it kinda reminds of Ridley Scotts Alien. I'm not well versed in the Halo universe but this is certainly an interesting concept. Best of luck with it

[Mayor HawThorne]

Nice,a few errors,but good,

[Frankenzer]

Chapter one/Location:Unknown(outer space)/Happened during the start of the events in halo 2

"It's been years since the Fall of Reach, I don't really know if we are the last of our kind...."

The captain barely finished writing on his journal when an unknown planet appeared in front of him.

 

"On second thought there is still hope...."He dropped his pen as the ship got near the white planet.

"What is that?"The captain asked the bridge members but none could figure out what. He then began to access classified

data about unnamed planets but found nothing. Just as the captain was about to look for more information he saw something

that terrified him.

 

In front of him 4 covenant ships appeared: 1 Super Carrier and 3 destroyers escorting it. Sir?, one of his crew asked

"I know" the captain replied while clenching his fists. "Wake everyone from cryo sleep, scan the planet immediately', The captain

looked as if he was getting ready for battle. "Aye sir!" everyone in the bridge said. "Sir, scans shows that the planet has an atmosphere

almost the same with Earth's, temperature cold but still good enough to support life and the terrain shows a very snowy landscape but surprisingly....

it has vegetation. After hearing this the captain smiled and said "Good then send in the ODSTs let them scan the surface and let them find out what the heck 

The Covenant is doing here,accompany them with our last marine fireteam...Send the marines in a Pelican,undetected...." "Aye sir!" everyone said attentively. 

"Oh I almost forgot..."The Captain said softly.

 

"Prepare for battle in case we get spotted" 

"Aye sir but what about the Spartans?"one of his crew members asked

"Let them standby,they can do better than nukes. I'll send them in when the time is right."  

Edited June 4, 2013 by Frankenzer

[Minuette]

This is only one chapter? Sorry, I'm not trying to deter you from writing but the length of the chapters are too short IMO. Try adding more detail to the story. How about spending sometime planning out the characters personalities and adding more depth to them so that the reader can feel more "attached" to them.

[Frankenzer]

This is only one chapter? Sorry, I'm not trying to deter you from writing but the length of the chapters are too short IMO. Try adding more detail to the story. How about spending sometime planning out the characters personalities and adding more depth to them so that the reader can feel more "attached" to them.

Ok then your feedback has been taken for consideration. If anyone else has feedback please don't hesitate to post I will gladly accept all

[Vangelis]

Good job with the first chapter. I wouldn't worry too much about length as quality is much more important. The only area I think you can improve in is the layout (which very well might not even be your fault) For example in the second paragraph you say ""What is that?"The captain asked the bridge members but none could figure out what. He then began to access classified" I think it might be more effective to write it like this

 

"What is that?"

 

The captain asked the bridge members but none could figure out what.

 

It may seem silly but it can make a pretty big difference to the reader. Again great job though keep up the good work.

[Frankenzer]

Chapter 2/aboard the U.N.S.C. Arctic/Happened during halo 2's events

Lieutenant Commander Logan walks in as a familiar feeling makes him shake. He was in charge 

of an entire O.D.S.T. Fireteam now and they are given a mission: To search the planet of Covenant

activities and report them while being undetected. 

Logan never really wanted to lead a Fireteam but he know he has to. They barely escaped 

Reach and now they're being sent on a mission again. 

He then looks at his team as they are now preparing for the drop. All he had to do was enter

his H.E.V then they will be deployed. 

Before entering it he screamed: "Everyone prepare to drop! ODSTs what's our motto?" 

All the members of his fireteam then stood in attention then replied:"We plunge in feet first 

into hell!"

Everyone then got inside their HEV ready to drop. At first the Lieutenant commander was nervous

but then he knew he had to do it,everyone had to. They didn't spend years frozen in a Cryotube for nothing

but then he remembered the Spartans....When are they gonna get deployed?......When are they gonna show the

Covenant their fury? As he kept thinking The Captain spoke to his Com: "Are you ready Lieutenant?". He hesitated

but then said yes we are ready. Voices of his fireteam filled his com. Some were nervous but some were waiting to get

revenge at the Covenant but one was silent.He then said: "Remember we're ODSTs...remember that a lot of people depends

on us..." 

Everyone was silent then said "we're ready to jump". Logan was worried they might get detected but he knew a marine

fireteam would also be sent after they landed. The fate of this operation depended on them. He then heard a voice it was the captain..

"Ok then Lieutenant you're ready to jump in 5.....4....3....2....1",Logan felt his heart beating fast..."0". The HEVs dropped there were seven of them.

as tehy entered the planets atmosphere what he feared happened the Covenant have detected them, suddenly bursts of plasma fire filled his vision. He didn't know

what happened to his teammates. The Com was silent....

He had reached the grounds and immediately got off his HEv but to his surprise only 3 HEVs made it to and the others were either

blown up by covenant ships or blown up by plasma fire and worse The Covenant now know they're here, they now know humans are here and they will do everything to destroy them just as he looked up he saw the

U.N.S.C. Arctic engaging the destroyers firing all it's MAC and archer missles and successfully destroying one. He then proceeded to look at the other 2 as Hevs they both opened and 2 ODSTs approached. One of them was 

Hector an excellent rifleman with his assault rifle and the other,only known by his codename: The Assassin also with his assault rifle. Logan then proceeded to take out his SMG, knowing The Covenant might come anytime soon,decided to 

order his squad to leave. As they walked looking for any Covenant activity, to his surprise a U.N.S.C. warehouse came to his view it was only small but the presence of a UNSC building here is what surprised him the most. This place must be a top secret

planet where the UNSC did some of it's top secret business. 

 

He then decided to report to the captain: "Sir I don't we're the first to discover this planet, we stumbled upon a UNsc warehouse labeled number 4....if that's the case then there must be more"

The captain then replied: "Good find, but now we've got our hands full. I've sent the marines in a pelican and they are now beginning their landing. The marines can handle your primary objective, check the contents of the warehouse then report back"

"Acknowledged, we will now enter the warehouse",Logan said softly before looking again at the warehouse "it seems it only has one floor" he said to his teammates, as usual The Assassin is silent and Hector began to talk:"I wonder what we'll find?"

Logan and The Assassin remained silent as if they never heard nothing. The warehouse had steel doors but strangely it wasn't locked and to their surprise it was full of UNSC weapons and a computer in a table. The Assassin and Hector checked out the weapons before

taking out their personal favorites. Hector took a DMR while The Assassin took a 2 Silent SMGs ready for combat. Logan checked the computer out then the computer played a recording which took all their attention but before they could play it an elite spec ops team 

uncloaked and one of them stabbed Hector directly in the gut with an energy sword and Logan and The Assassin fired at them. To their surprise the Elites didn't have shields but it was impossible for them to go to battle without it. Maybe because they couldn't activate it but

this wasn't the time for that they bothkept firing until 3 elites fell,all of them died easily without their shields. The remaining 3 retreated and went outside the warehouse. Logan grabbed a rocket launcher ready to avenge Hector, while The Assassin got ready for combat again. Logan sent the recording to the UNSC Arctic for them to listen to it before going out of the warehouse, ready to get revenge at The Covenant.

[D-38 Boss]

Well, that was pretty good!

 

Along with what Vangelis said, try spacing the paragraphs a bit, its a little easy to lose your place in the text, but maybe that's just me.

 

A few grammatical errors, but nothing major.

 

and also, we both have characters named Logan...

[Caboose The Ace]

much better than this first parts and I cannot wait to see what happens next

[Frankenzer]

Chapter 3/Unknown planet/happens during the events of halo 2

Logan looks at The Assassin as he prepares his SMGs. The Assassin looke like he feels

the same as him but now wasn't the time for that....now is the time for revenge. He scans for signs

of Covenant activity but sees none. Then just as he was about to give a command an Elite uncloaks and

assaults him with it's sword. The Assassin quickly responded by quickly shooting the elite, the elite falls

just as it was about to stab logan.Just like before the elite seems to possess no shields.

 

"Thanks" Logan said catching his breath

"Watch out sir" The Assassin says as a pair of hunters attack from the sfront

 

Logan quickly fires 2 rockets at them but they're still standing. Just then 2 banshees fly from above

and at the front,where the hunters came from,reveals an entire covenant strike team. The hunters retreat,shields on,

while Logan reloads.

 

"Blasted Covenant,they wanted us to come out and then that's where they attack" Logan said as he prepares to fire

 

Banshees shoot barely hitting any of the 2 ODSts, Logan fires at them destroying the 2 banshees. Hunters fire their 

Assault Canons, Logan and The Assassin evades. Deep inside as the strike team corners them, Logan feels that he really needed

to get revenge for deestroying his homeworld, for destroying Reach and for killing his Family and almost all of his team. He fires 

2 more rockets at the hunters which eventually makes them collapse.....dead. Just the Logan gives The Assassin the command to fire

while the Strike team's commander also commands his team to fire. Plasma rains at the ODsts as they take cover behind a rock. Logan

fires his rocket killing grunts and jackals. He then grabs an energy sword and activates it, but before he coulld leap at the Covenant

Strke team the other 2 spec ops elites uncloaks and prepares to finish them both. The Assassin shoots the other Elite and it falls dead.

The other however goes head on with Logan as they duel with their swords. Their swords lock as teh Assassin takes the Covenant Strike Teams attention by spraying

them with bullets an elite falls dead and same with the others it seems to possess no enrgy shielding despite it's rank.The Elite kicks Logan as it prepares to stab

him. The Assassin intervenes and shoots at the Elite. The Elite However was quick to react avoiding the bullets as it makes it's way towards the Assassin. The Elite 

kicks The Assassin preparing to finish him the same way he would have done to Logan. Jackal snipers prepare to fire but the Elite commands them to stay out of it.

 

"Your death is imminent and with the creation of our fortress here, you humans shall be wiped out!" The Elite says, his sword ready to finish the Assassin

 

Hearing this Logan quickly got up."Creating a fortress huh" he says to himself as he prepares to stab the elite. He leaps but just before he could stab the Elite it reacts and stabs him.

Blood comes out from his mouth as he is thrown at the door of the warehouse the Assassin gets up and Pushes the elite. He then went inside the warehouse locking it's heavy metal doors as he looks for

Logan.

 

The Elite laughs and says: "If you are ready to fight us human come out, we'll be waiting"

 

The Assassin then finds Logan who is barely alive.

 

"Come here..." Logan says weakly

 

The Assassin hurries toward Logan saying: "Are you ok?'

 

Logan laughs weakly and then saying:"I don't think getting stabbed by an energy and getting thrown at a heavy metal door with make you ok"

 

The Assassin looks concerned as Logan says: "I'm sure I won't make it before I die I'm promoting you to Lieutenant Commander,be good enough to lead the marines. I never got to know your name what is it?

 

The Assassin hesitates but says: "I am Zach Harry"

 

"Well Harry,today is your lucky day not only do you get promoted....you also get to beat up The Covenant"

 

Logan gives Zach the energy sword before saying:"Make the Covenant pay...." before dying

 

Zach gets up approaches the door and unlocking it before drawing out the energy sword. Before going out he says:"I'll do more than that"     

[Vangelis]

Excellent work again. Another enjoyable read. A big improvement from the starting point. My only criticism would be of the first paragraph which seems (to me anyway) to be cold and lifeless.

 

Logan looks at The Assassin as he prepares his SMGs. The Assassin looke like he feels

the same as him but now wasn't the time for that....now is the time for revenge. He scans for signs

of Covenant activity but sees none. Then just as he was about to give a command an Elite uncloaks and

assaults him with it's sword. The Assassin quickly responded by quickly shooting the elite, the elite falls

just as it was about to stab logan.Just like before the elite seems to possess no shields.

 

Try using more colorful language you repeat the words assasin and elite quite a bit don't be afraid to use he and him when you can it won't win you an awards for originality but it will improve the flow of words and keep the reader interested. Also you might want to shorten some of the sentences like with the last one, it might be more effective to say "like before he seems to have no shields" or "it doesn't like he has any shields".

 

But that's completely up to you. Good job and keep it coming.

[Caboose The Ace]

when is the next chapter coming out?

[Frankenzer]

Chapter 4/Unknown Planet/occurs during the events of halo 2

 

The Assassin opens the heavy metal door, his heart pumping fast. As he sees the snowy landscape once again he sees the elite who killed Logan. He slowly made his way

to him.

The Elite greets Zach with a gesture of respect before drawing out a sword, he then proceeds to say:"I know you feel your death coming close and I will lead you to it!"

 

Zach becomes silent as the elite charge at him and with his exact timing, jumped at the eilte's back . He then says:"The one dying today is you". Zach then lifts the sword and stabs the Elite straight on the back.

 

The Elite falls as sniper jackals aim at Zach barely even shooting him. 4 elites,5 grunts,2 jackals all open fire. Zach quickly evades and grabs his fallen SMGs as he shoots them with bullets.

 

Additional banshees provide cover fire as he quickly grabs Logan's fallen rocket launcher shooting the banshees and destroying 2 of them. He quickly discards the empty rocket launcher and continues to use his SMG killing all 4 grunts. He takes cover at a pile of snow as he reload and fires again killing 2 unshielded Elites. He procced to reload and take out the jackals and the other 2 elites. 

 

As he finishes he looks up and sees the UNSC Arctic engaging the Covenant Super Carrier, the Arctic avoids all plasma fire and shoots its MACs which slightly damaged the carrier. It then fires it's archer missles which got blocked by energy shields. 

 

Zach thought that was wierd because the Elites he engaged seemed to possess no energy shielding. As he looks up again he sees the carrier dropping Covenant drop pods. 3 landed near him and 2 ultras and a zealot came out. The zealot activated his swords while the ultras fire their plasma rifles, the other took out a plasma launcher and began to aim. Zach moved quick as he dropped his SMGs and brought out an energy sword. He went face to face with the zealot countering his attacks with speed before it kicked him. Zach took one of his SMGs from the ground and fired killing the Elite who seemed to have no shields. He then took the other SMG and fired at the ultras and without their shields they quickly collapsed. 

 

He looks above as the Super Carrier retreats but not before dispatching banshees to distract the Arctic. He took this chance to get inside the warehouse and bury both Hector and Logan. He remained silent for a moment remembering how they both died before the captain speaks to his COM."Any survivng ODSTs or Marines quickly report. By the way Logan we received the video you sent us and we are now analyzing it"

 

Zach quickly responds saying: This is Zach one of Logan's teammates, Logan is dead and I am the only surviving ODST.

 

The captain then replies:"Stay near the area of the warehouse, I've got a surprise for you"

 

Zach looks above a slope as 3 Covenant drop pods land, he prepares his SMGs and prepares to to assault the covenant.

 

 

 

(Author's note: I know it's not much but chapter is actually important)

[Vangelis]

Very good. You have managed to develop your own style which is very important. My only advice now is to try to expand your chapters a bit. But that's completely up to you. I am not sure if this is just a rough draft or if you are planning on writing a short story (which is what I would recommend).

[Caboose The Ace]

I know I have said this before but is there another part coming out as they seem to have grinded to a halt as of right now

[Frankenzer]

I know I have said this before but is there another part coming out as they seem to have grinded to a halt as of right now

Sorry for the long delay it will be released tomorrow

 

Trivia: If anyone did any actual research this novel is actually the story for the stop motion I am making. You can look at the very first thread I made.

[Frankenzer]

Edit:

 

Chapter 5/Unknown Planet/Events of halo 2

                Sergeant Hector prepares his Assault Rifle as the Pelican nears ground. They were sent to help the ODSTs who are having trouble and he was eager to help.

                “Prepare for touchdown, we’re not just going to stand by while the ODSTs fight Covenant scum” yells the sergeant with a loud voice

                “Aye Sir!”The marines yell in response

                When the pelican finally got as close as possible to the ground the marines jump out with one holding a rocket launcher. Just as the Pelican was able to take off it was shot by banshees using their fuel rod. The marines fire at the banshee successful in taking down two of them. The remaining Banshees headed for the warehouse.

                The Marines wanted to follow but was forced to hide in the downed Pelican as Covenant troops show up.

                “Dang it, we won’t be able to help the ODSTs in this rate” the Sergeant yells in an angry tune

                Plasma rained as the marines kept hiding, not wanting to take chances of their heads getting blown off. The Sergeant bravely took a peek and fired his weapon, killing 2 elites possessing no shields. Then the other marines followed, effectively taking down 4 grunts, 2 jackals and 2 more elites. They then went back to the safety of the downed Pelican. One of the marines threw a grenade that bounced off one of the jackal’s shield gauntlets but it landed near an elite and detonated, killing the elite.

                The Sergeant thought for a while, Elites without shields…. He wondered why they didn’t use them, or maybe they didn’t because they couldn’t. His thoughts were suddenly disturbed when 2 phantoms came to drop off additional troops. Plasma rained once again as one phantom dropped a wraith. The Sergeant thought for a while then knowing that the wraith would probably blow their cover, decided to distract the Covenant to allow his team to escape.

                “I want you to run to that warehouse over there as fast as you can. Whatever you do, don’t come back for me. Ryan give me that rocket launcher.” The Sergeant yells.

 “Sir, yes sir!” The marines yell as Ryan hands the rocket launcher to Hector.

“In the count of three, one……two…….three!” After yelling that the Sergeant comes out of cover as the marines make a run for it. He shot 2 rockets and reloaded effectively distracting the covenant. As the Covenant counter, the Sergeant fires 2 rockets at the wraith effectively damaging it but it didn’t get destroyed. The Sergeant smiles because the marines got away without being noticed. He reloads while The Covenant keeps firing but doesn’t seem to be able to hit him due to him moving fast to the downed Pelican. The Wraith fires hitting and further damaging the Pelican but the Sergeant wasn’t there anymore. The Sergeant fires at the Wraith destroying it, when the captain spoke to his Com: "Any surviving ODSTs or Marines quickly report”.

“This is Hector, I’ve got my hands full but I allowed my team to go to the ware house and meet with the ODSTs”

“Good stay there and hold them I’ve got a surprise for you”, The Captain says in a confident tone

Hector hides at the downed Pelican as 3 Covenant drop pods drop far from him but near the warehouse. He was confident that his marines made it and was ready to take on the Covenant once again. He comes out and fires his assault rifle, killing 3 elites. When he ran out of ammo he switched to the rocket launcher and fired two rockets. Both killed a lot of Covenant but a lot was still alive.  He prepares for the inevitable as two hunters join the Covenant team that was already overpowering him. He was ready to die, when rockets came out of nowhere and killed all the Covenant scum. He watches as a Pelican goes near. A huge man approaches near the air craft’s exit as he says:

“This is Spire team reporting, sorry we’re late” 

[D-38 Boss]

Pretty good!

 

Once again, it's a little hard to read because of the layout. Just make sure to make a space between paragraphs.

[Frankenzer]

Sorry about the space, MS word somehow glitched up

[D-38 Boss]

Yeah, that happens sometimes.

 

If it does that, just do it yourself before you post it, that's what I do when this happens.

[Frankenzer]

Sorry for the hold up I'm releasing the next chapter after 2 days