Hunter

[Caboose The Ace]

This is chapter one of the book I am writing called hunter I hope you enjoy please leave feedback below and I will post more of the story when I finish it two. 

 

 

 

 

Hunter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter one: Risk vs reward 

 

John walked out of the apartment building he was in and out into the darkness of the night. John made sure to keep his hood low and move among the crowd seen but unseen to conceal his identity not like he looked anything like he used to anyway but just in case he presumed oni was still hunting him but he had not seen the news for some time so he could not be sure. He just had to be prepared for anything. An oni assassin could appear from the roof take one shot at his head and he would be dead no second chances and he knew oni didn’t play games they played to win and almost all the time they did. John stopped thinking these thoughts as he couldn’t keep living his life in fear. John walked into the nearest bar he looked up to see what the name of the bar was the fading writing on the top read The Muddy rudder John hardly went out at all and he had only stayed on this colony for 2 months but today he felt like taking a risk he had to come out and make a stand not like having a beer at a bar was much of one if at all but it was a start john thought.

Edited November 23, 2013 by Caboose the Ace

[Touquisi]

:0 thats great.  But, not meaning to be a teacher or any thing, but I saw a few spelling mistakes, and what was with the ( : ) before it said "John hardly went out"
Any way, I liked it, make more please!

[Akali]

great story oh mighty blue leader where is part 2-whenever it finishes 
 

[Caboose The Ace]

:0 thats great.  But, not meaning to be a teacher or any thing, but I saw a few spelling mistakes, and what was with the ( : ) before it said "John hardly went out"

Any way, I liked it, make more please!

 

Its a work in progress as of now thanks for pointing that out.

[Guts]

That's good! I would love to write something myself 

[Caboose The Ace]

I did a rewrite of chapter one tell me what version you preferred.  

 

Chapter one: Hunted

                                                                                                                       

John ran from roof to roof in the night-time slums of old hykea a small run down area of the city of hykea on the edge of the inner colonies his cloak blew in his face he had considered removing it plenty of times but had decided to keep it to conceal his identity he then jumped from the building he was standing on to the building in front of him barely making the jump he looked behind him he was sure the assassins where no longer following him. He suddenly rolled over towards a thin piece of wall to the right of him to avoid the bullet that was just fired at him he got behind the wall it was enough to cover him if he crouched down he took a moment to remember what his opponent looked like it was a typicial oni assassin with a sniper rifle in black armour head to toe it was a easy kill got his concealed Dmr out and returned fire though none of the shots hit the Oni assassin  took cover and so it gave john a moment to make his escape he continued to run across the building suddenly bullets were fired from behind him 3 shots where fired 2 missed one hit him but his armour took the blunt of the attack he reached from his also concealed magnum and took aim killing the assassin with 3 bullets to the chest he continued running 2 more assassins took aim at him from the roof he took the chance and made of the small ladder near him and climbed down and ran though the alleyway he hoped he had lost them but that hope was short lived.

[melon0111]

I like it. But as a word of advice try to be aware of how many times you use a word or name in the same paragraph or subsequent sentences, it makes things redundant.

[Silent Orbis]

Good job, man.

Like everyone said, just some grammatical errors.

If you want, I can be your editor. I think that'd be cool.

Please don't take it in a bad way, though.

I don't want to hurt your feelings.

[Buns]

I like it. But as a word of advice try to be aware of how many times you use a word or name in the same paragraph or subsequent sentences, it makes things redundant.

Agreed. Also make your chapters a little longer not to mention you barely used any commas or periods. I like the concept of Hunter and would love to read more but for now Silent Orbis might be good as an editor so you can avoid grammatical mistakes and do some writing exercises to avoid using a single word too often. 

Overall a step in the right direction just a few mistakes that can be easily fixed. 

 

Here is a writing exercise I use quite often. Get an image of something it can be anything, then describe it. The description can be as long as you want but you should aim to make it quite intricate and detailed(Remember that is for the writing exercise)

[Caboose The Ace]

Good job, man.

Like everyone said, just some grammatical errors.

If you want, I can be your editor. I think that'd be cool.

Please don't take it in a bad way, though.

I don't want to hurt your feelings.

 

Ok sure go ahead and send me a PM

 

 

Agreed. Also make your chapters a little longer not to mention you barely used any commas or periods. I like the concept of Hunter and would love to read more but for now Silent Orbis might be good as an editor so you can avoid grammatical mistakes and do some writing exercises to avoid using a single word too often. 

Overall a step in the right direction just a few mistakes that can be easily fixed. 

 

Here is a writing exercise I use quite often. Get an image of something it can be anything, then describe it. The description can be as long as you want but you should aim to make it quite intricate and detailed(Remember that is for the writing exercise)

 

The chapter is not done yet.