halo fan fic books

[Caboose The Ace]

Fanfiction is

Fan fiction, or fanfiction (often abbreviated as fan fic, fanfic, or simply fic), is a broadly defined fan labor term for stories about characters or settings written by fans of the original work, rather than by the original creator. Works of fan fiction are rarely commissioned or authorized by the original work's owner, creator, or publisher; also, they are almost never professionally published. < Thanks Wikipedia!

 

So yes you are writing fan fiction.

 

So can you just post a few full chapters for us to see now? In your status you said the story have 18 chapters and was having good reviews so can you show us?

[MJTOWER]

fine.. darn u wikipedia!

Prologue:

[Deep space message//Origin: UNSC//Location: Unknown//]

DATE: October 12, 2586

[Audio only: CPTN THOMAS LASKY OF UNSC JUPITER CLASS I]

 

         “Corporal Grant of Fireteam Omega, of the UNSC Swift of Night, reporting sir. Requesting immediate assistance! We were sent here to explore this… Mega planet…It’s too big to be artificial… and as we dug deeper into the depths of the strange structures, we found something… something VERY bad! Send immed…”   

(Static over radio)

[END OF MESSAGE]

 

Chapter 1:

SPEC-OPS TEAM

 

            “Captain freeman, sir!”

 “At Ease, Spartan… I’ve read your files… all of it, and I have to say, I’m impressed.”

            “Thank you, sir.” The Spartan had always had a tinge of hatred towards his higher ranking officers, despite his own rank of Major. However, he had always looked up to captain freeman, mainly because he was a father-ish figure to him.

            Two marines burst into the bridge, both panting and sweating. “Emergency in hangar 5-C, Sir! Were under attack!” one said in a worried but steady tone.

            “All units, report to defensive positions!” the captain said in a calm voice over the ships intercom. “This is where you come in, Spartan…”

The Spartan spoke through his comm to the rest of his team; “Spartans, get battle ready, STAT!”

            As the Spartan ran to the armory, Captain Freeman told his communications officer to send the automated distress call to all nearby systems, when suddenly the ship shuddered from a massive explosion.

            “What the hell was that, Lieutenant!?”

            “I have no clue, sir!”

            “Spec-ops, change of plans! Get to your ship, and get the hell out of here!”

“Sir… yes sir!” the Spartan had hated this ship since the moment he had set foot on the damned thing, so he didn’t argue.

            As soon as spec-ops teams’ ship left the hangar, the UNSC Ingenope broke in half. The ship shuddered and spec ops commanders A.I. said “scanning…no survivors detected, we should go before were spotted.”

“Shut up, Camrie! I told you I need to concentrate!” he slapped the side of his helmet, and she went silent. “Commander, we should leave… NOW!” Spec-Ops Lieutenant Miranda 327 stated in a serious but somehow calming tone. “Agreed, floor it, lieutenant!”
Chapter 2:

Jupiter class

 

          The Spec-Ops teams’ ship came out of slipspace right next to the biggest ship ever witnessed to mankind- the UNSC Jupiter Class. At 4x the size of the planet Jupiter, nothing could live up to its size.

            “This is the first of the remaining 3 Jupiter class ships, The UNSC Helix gammaridae, also the most technologically advanced. However slow it may look, it packs a surprising punch… 7 were scrapped, two KIA.” Camrie said with a hint of interest.

            “Camrie, get your nose out of that, its classified!”

            “Relax, Jason! I’m only in the local tab. Hmm, a little too easy to access.”

            The comm. buzzed, “This is captain Lasky of UNSC Helix gammaridae, identify immediately, over!”

            “This is Jason #19 of spec-ops squads, requesting permission to dock, over!”

            “Granted. What happened to your ship?”

            “Destroyed by unknown hostile forces, sir!”

            “I’m sorry to hear that…..”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 3:

Awakening

 

          “Wake now, my master! Reclaim the galaxy you once ruled, so many millennia ago!”

            “Be gone, servant! I have work to do… HAHAHAHAHA! The time has come to destroy those wretched concierges once and for all! Now begins a new millennium- one in which the DARK ONES has come to being!”

            “AWAKEN NOW MY BRETHEREN, I COMMAND IT!!!” said the DARK ONES leader.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 4:

ETERNAL NIGHTFALL

 

            High above the beautiful rainforests and high mountains of the planet Creos Delta, a massive shadow loomed-the shadow of a ship called the ETERNAL NIGHTFALL. They were here to investigate the sudden halt of trade and communications in the region. Supposedly, the insurrectionists had put up a blockade around the planet, but so far they had only found a debris field around the planet. Most of the debris had been disintegrated, and no plasma burns were seen.

            “Sir,” the comm. officer said,” what if it was the Covenant? I know it sounds ridiculous, but what if they’re back?” The comm. Officer was beginning to wish he hadn’t signed up for the navy. “Wait… Captain, look over there! It looks like… a ship?”

            “What the hell? Zoom in, I need to see more…” the screen beeped and enlarged the image. “It’s an unknown alien ship sir, but it’s definitely not Covenant…” said the tech officer to his left, who was eying the strange new ship nervously.  

 The captain saw a flash from the strange ship, and suddenly the ETERNAL NIGHTFALL shut down. “Mayday, mayday, were going down! Sir, all systems offline!” the ETERNAL NIGHTFALL lurched and started to fall… fast.

“Damn! How long until emergency power kicks in?!” the captain yelled. “T-Minus sixty seconds, Sir! I’d hold on if I were you!”

            “Backup generator online! Fire at will!” and with a thunderous crack, the MAC cannon fired, along with a salvo of archer pod missiles.

            The captain watched in horror as the attack had no effect on the enemy ship, in fact, they seemed to teleport right through it!

            “Jacob! Prep. Emergency jump coordinates!” the AI’s holographic form shimmered into view and began preparing the slipspace drive.

            Just as they jumped, the enemy ship unleashed hell.

            4 hours later, the UNSC ETERNAL NIGHTFALL came out of slipspace. “Lieutenant, whet the HELL was that?!” the captain yelled angrily.

            I have no idea sir, the sector showed nothing until we entered the atmosphere.”

            “Plot a course for The UNSC Helix gammaridae, and get me a line to Lord Hood. Now!” he was obviously pissed, so the lieutenant obeyed without question.” Sergeant, get me a casualty report!”

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 5:

NEW TARGET

 

                The DARK ONES leader, TΫrocian, turned to his second in command and picked him up by his neck. Hmm… It’s ironic, really, how easily he could crush it.

                “You fail me yet again, Klorcon. Why do I even bother to let you live?! You cannot perform a simple task such as killing a human vessel? PATHETIC!” TΫrocian spat in Klorcon’s face, and dropped him to his knees where he sat in self-pity.

                “My master, the ship jumped away too quickly! We had no time to attack!”

                “EXCUSES! Hunt them down and finish them off, or say goodbye to my patience! I’ve had enough of your games, Klorcon. Leave my ship before I decide to kill you myself!” Klorcon climbed to his feet and limped away in agony.

                “You,” he pointed to a servant passing by, “come to me, servant! I wish to see your face!” the servant set down the canister he was carrying and hurried over to TΫrocian. “Yes, my lord?”

                “You are to hunt down this human vessel and destroy it. If you fail, there will be nothing to stop me from ripping you apart limb by limb.”

 

 

 

 

happy now?

actually, your both wrong. scholastic has said they will publish it if i get copyright permission. PERMISSION not RIGHTS

[Caboose The Ace]

Yep now for the good the bad and the questionable 
 
The Good.
 
Interesting story
Quickly starts the story off
 
The Bad
 
The writing is very simplistic with very little describing words. You rarely describe the situation. 
Real short chapters. My rule for chapters personally is try to make it as long as the last. And by that I see how many lines I have typed up.
Nothing is really established so far like characters etc
 
The questionable.
 
I doubt scholastic would publish this. Not because of what I said above but because of copy right.

 

Overall it was alright. Nothing amazing but don't give up writing.

 

5 tips for writing

 

1 Take regular breaks

2 Look at what other people have done and see if you can take any ideas from that ( like writing style, how they present their work etc ) but try and make it your own. My writing style is inspired by Mathew stover, but I have added my own twist to it with a bit of James luceno in there for good measure.

3 Take feedback and apply it to future chapters.

4 Don't be afraid to share

5 Look back at what you have wrote and see how you can improve it.

 

 

[Is not JL]

 

actually, your both wrong. scholastic has said they will publish it if i get copyright permission. PERMISSION not RIGHTS

What the hell does this mean?

 

Copyrights are rights. I mean, 'Rights' is in the damn word!

 

In any case, I'm confused. Chapters in books - even scholastic ones - tend to last longer than a few pages. Quite a few of your chapters probably will be grateful to pass the halfway mark of an A5 page - unless scholastic decides to increase the font size to 100 or something.

 

The Good:

 

Uhhhhhhh

 

huh

 

The use of punctuation is good. Lack of grammatical errors is always a good thing, and although there are one or two spelling errors it's otherwise well polished. I don't like the continuous use of short, basic paragraphs but the structure of paragraphing is certainly good. It doesn't look like it has depth, but it certainly doesn't look stupid, the latter of which is a pro.

 

The Bad:

- That confusion I have above? It's a con. Super short chapters are a con, because they end up explaining nothing. Indeed, any form of introduction to characters in the story seem to have been relegated to a brief mention; it's as though everybody is a side character who are doomed to become cannon fodder.

- As Caboose said, very basic sentences. Describing the situation, doing so from a characters point of view to let the readers be more empathetic to them, is always something that'll help draw the reader's attention.

- Basic narrative structure that only books for kids would have. Do we have description of setting? Like, one or two sentences every chapter where we have a new setting. Do we have a description of the context? Of time period? Nope. The 5 W's of Writing - Who, What, When, Where, Why, have all been shoved away in favour of:

- What appears to be childlike hyping for an enemy who appears in cartoons akin to singular episodes of Ben 10 crossed over with Pokemon and Thomas the Tank Engine. 'The Dark Ones?' It feels heavily like a childlike take on monsters from the Dark Dimension or something, hell bent on invading the world except for that one good guy who represents all the things that kids should learn to be good people when they grow up.

 

 

Conclusion: 

We don't know where we are.

We don't know who we're following.

We don't know why anyone is doing anything.

We don't know what's going on.

We don't know how this relates to the timeline of the Halo canon as we know it.

 

So what do we know?

 

Not much. 

 

It does't seem well that 5 chapters have passed out of...is it 18? And we know absolutely nothing.

[MJTOWER]

ok, heres EVERYTHING ive typed so far. mostly revised. recommend you read chapter 8 carefully.HALO:WRATHOf TheAncientAuthors: Matthew Tower and Matthew ProsiseEditors/contributors: DALTON VICK Prologue:[Deep space message//Origin: UNSC//Location: Unknown//]DATE: October 12, 2586[Audio only: CPTN THOMAS LASKY OF UNSC JUPITER CLASS I] “Corporal Grant of Fireteam Omega, of the UNSC Swift of Night, reporting sir. Requesting immediate assistance! We were sent here to explore this… Mega planet…It’s too big to be artificial… and as we dug deeper into the depths of the strange structures, we found something… something VERY bad! Send immed…” (Static over radio)[END OF MESSAGE] Chapter 1:SPEC-OPS TEAM “Captain freeman, sir!” “At Ease, Spartan… I’ve read your files… all of it, and I have to say, I’m impressed.” “Thank you, sir.” The Spartan had always had a tinge of hatred towards his higher ranking officers, despite his own rank of Major. However, he had always looked up to captain freeman, mainly because he was a father-ish figure to him. Two marines burst into the bridge, both panting and sweating. “Emergency in hangar 5-C, Sir! Were under attack!” one said in a worried but steady tone. “All units, report to defensive positions!” the captain said in a calm voice over the ships intercom. “This is where you come in, Spartan…”The Spartan spoke through his comm to the rest of his team; “Spartans, get battle ready, STAT!” As the Spartan ran to the armory, Captain Freeman told his communications officer to send the automated distress call to all nearby systems, when suddenly the ship shuddered from a massive explosion. “What the hell was that, Lieutenant!?” “I have no clue, sir!” “Spec-ops, change of plans! Get to your ship, and get the hell out of here!”“Sir… yes sir!” the Spartan had hated this ship since the moment he had set foot on the damned thing, so he didn’t argue. As soon as spec-ops teams’ ship left the hangar, the UNSC Ingenope broke in half. The ship shuddered and spec ops commanders A.I. said “scanning…no survivors detected, we should go before were spotted.”“Shut up, Camrie! I told you I need to concentrate!” he slapped the side of his helmet, and she went silent. “Commander, we should leave… NOW!” Spec-Ops Lieutenant Miranda 327 stated in a serious but somehow calming tone. “Agreed, floor it, lieutenant!” Chapter 2:Jupiter class The Spec-Ops teams’ ship came out of slipspace right next to the biggest ship ever witnessed to mankind- the UNSC Jupiter Class. At 4x the size of the planet Jupiter, nothing could live up to its size. “This is the first of the remaining 3 Jupiter class ships, The UNSC Helix gammaridae, also the most technologically advanced. However slow it may look, it packs a surprising punch… 7 were scrapped, two KIA.” Camrie said with a hint of interest. “Camrie, get your nose out of that, its classified!” “Relax, Jason! I’m only in the local tab. Hmm, a little too easy to access.” The comm. buzzed, “This is captain Lasky of UNSC Helix gammaridae, identify immediately, over!” “This is Jason #19 of spec-ops squads, requesting permission to dock, over!” “Granted. What happened to your ship?” “Destroyed by unknown hostile forces, sir!” “I’m sorry to hear that…..” Chapter 3:Awakening “Wake now, my master! Reclaim the galaxy you once ruled, so many millennia ago!” “Be gone, servant! I have work to do… HAHAHAHAHA! The time has come to destroy those wretched concierges once and for all! Now begins a new millennium- one in which the DARK ONES has come to being!” “AWAKEN NOW MY BRETHEREN, I COMMAND IT!!!” said the DARK ONES leader.Chapter 4:ETERNAL NIGHTFALL High above the beautiful rainforests and high mountains of the planet Creos Delta, a massive shadow loomed-the shadow of a ship called the ETERNAL NIGHTFALL. They were here to investigate the sudden halt of trade and communications in the region. Supposedly, the insurrectionists had put up a blockade around the planet, but so far they had only found a debris field around the planet. Most of the debris had been disintegrated, and no plasma burns were seen. “Sir,” the comm. officer said,” what if it was the Covenant? I know it sounds ridiculous, but what if they’re back?” The comm. Officer was beginning to wish he hadn’t signed up for the navy. “Wait… Captain, look over there! It looks like… a ship?” “What the hell? Zoom in, I need to see more…” the screen beeped and enlarged the image. “It’s an unknown alien ship sir, but it’s definitely not Covenant…” said the tech officer to his left, who was eying the strange new ship nervously. The captain saw a flash from the strange ship, and suddenly the ETERNAL NIGHTFALL shut down. “Mayday, mayday, were going down! Sir, all systems offline!” the ETERNAL NIGHTFALL lurched and started to fall… fast.“Damn! How long until emergency power kicks in?!” the captain yelled. “T-Minus sixty seconds, Sir! I’d hold on if I were you!” “Backup generator online! Fire at will!” and with a thunderous crack, the MAC cannon fired, along with a salvo of archer pod missiles. The captain watched in horror as the attack had no effect on the enemy ship, in fact, they seemed to teleport right through it! “Jacob! Prep. Emergency jump coordinates!” the AI’s holographic form shimmered into view and began preparing the slipspace drive. Just as they jumped, the enemy ship unleashed hell. 4 hours later, the UNSC ETERNAL NIGHTFALL came out of slipspace. “Lieutenant, whet the HELL was that?!” the captain yelled angrily. I have no idea sir, the sector showed nothing until we entered the atmosphere.” “Plot a course for The UNSC Helix gammaridae, and get me a line to Lord Hood. Now!” he was obviously pissed, so the lieutenant obeyed without question.” Sergeant, get me a casualty report!” CHAPTER 5:NEW TARGET The DARK ONES leader, TΫrocian, turned to his second in command and picked him up by his neck. Hmm… It’s ironic, really, how easily he could crush it. “You fail me yet again, Klorcon. Why do I even bother to let you live?! You cannot perform a simple task such as killing a human vessel? PATHETIC!” TΫrocian spat in Klorcon’s face, and dropped him to his knees where he sat in self-pity. “My master, the ship jumped away too quickly! We had no time to attack!” “EXCUSES! Hunt them down and finish them off, or say goodbye to my patience! I’ve had enough of your games, Klorcon. Leave my ship before I decide to kill you myself!” Klorcon climbed to his feet and limped away in agony. “You,” he pointed to a servant passing by, “come to me, servant! I wish to see your face!” the servant set down the canister he was carrying and hurried over to TΫrocian. “Yes, my lord?” “You are to hunt down this human vessel and destroy it. If you fail, there will be nothing to stop me from ripping you apart limb by limb.” CHAPTER 6:NEW PROPHETThel 'Vadam was watching his holo-projector on politics, hoping to see a change in the tide of his home planets civil war, when a breaking news report flashed on the screen. “Prophet of war takes covenant by force, redeems war against humanity!” Perfect. Now he would have to find out how to kill this prophet too. He was glad the HALO’s were not operational, seeing as they now knew the locations of all of them… his thoughts were interrupted by a massive plasma mortar explosion nearby. He was getting tired of this stupid civil war.it has been going on for 26 years now, and they just won’t seem to let up! Well, maybe now they would, seeing as the brutes practically own the covenant. Well this should be fun, he thought. CHAPTER 7:THE CONCIERGES The JUPITER CLASS came out of slipspace right in front of a mega planet. It had so far been proved inhabitable by the air levels and the fresh water. Strangely enough, however, the planet had shown no signs of past or present life except the plants. “Sir, we’ve established 12 firebases so far, but the planet is free of life signs.” The A.I. said, confused as to why there was no life here, despite all the natural resources..“Thank you Carter, prep the…” Carter interrupted him “wait! I’ve just located a secure cave not too far from firebase DELTA. Its artificial, but far too advanced for the forerunners.” “Well, get that door open, Carter! I’m placing a Fireteam en route.” 3 minutes later, the door lurched open with a groan and let out a massive gust of air that knocked Jenkins off his feet.” Well, that’s something you don’t see every day. Nice fall Jenkins!” teased one of the marines behind him. The rest of the squad started laughing hysterically. “Shut up O’Neil, I’ll have you know that……” Jenkins stopped talking and turned to face a loud growl. What he saw next, he almost couldn’t comprehend. Six massive figures, mostly reptilian, were lying on the ground. One yawned and stood up. “Greetings, humans! I am the leader of this group of concierges. We are a small fraction of selfless organisms who have given up our rights as living beings to protect others. Therefore, we have no names, futures, pasts, or feelings. Are the RIFT WARS over? The DARK ONES defeated? The Flood?” “Well, I don’t know about the DARK ONES or the RIFT WARS, but I do know the Flood is contained on the Halo’s…” “The Flood? Contained? ARE YOU ALL MAD?! The Flood cannot be contained, they will only grow stronger in captivity!” “We didn’t do it, the Forerunners did!” Jenkins said “Well, we need to destroy them as soon as we can! Do you have a ship we can use?” “Yes, but it’s ours. We can give you a lift in it though…” CHAPTER 8: FIRST ENCOUNTERLasky walked into the hangar, irritated, and said,” marine, do you know the protocol on bringing alien creatures on board my ship without proper authority? I damn well could just place you under arrest for disregard of protocol!” “I’m sorry, sir, but the guardians said…” “I don’t give a **** what these things said! Unless you give me one good reason not to, I’m going to expel you all from the ship!” “Well, they said that they need transportation to the HALO’s to destroy the flood. They also said they know the new race that’s been attacking us. All we need to do to get them to talk is provide them with a room on the ship.” Jenkins said nervously. “You never follow your god damned orders, do you? **** this, give them environment sector 4 environment chamber. And I want to see you in my office as soon as they’re secure, understand?” Lasky ordered. He then turned on a heel and headed for the elevator to the bridge. “Well, I guess we had better get moving… follow me.” As soon as Jenkins turned around, he spotted a team of Spartans in black and white armor… Holy ****! It’s SPEC-OPS Team! Wow, he never thought he would get to see them in person, especially because of their reputations… “What the hell are you just standing there for, marine!? GET YOUR ASS MOVING!” the bulky one said. He must be the leader of spec ops… he chose to listen, before he found out first hand that the Spartans really could rip a man apart limb from limb. Fifteen minutes later, Jenkins walked into the captains’ office, prepared to have to defend himself against Lasky’s wrath. “Marine, who gives you the right to choose what to do on the field? You had no authority to make that call, yet you still decided to disobey me! You had one set of orders: ‘scout the area, report unusual sightings’. Why, then, have you brought these creatures on my ship? WHY THE HELL DOESN’T WHAT I SAY MATTER!?”He picked up a lamp on his desk, shattered it against the wall, and looked at Jenkins. “I want you on civilian control in NEW EUPHRADES for the next 3 months, understand?” “Yes sir…” Jenkins said, disappointed in himself. “Well? GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!” Jenkins turned and hurried out the door as fast as his feet could carry. Meanwhile, the captain stepped off the elevator into the bridge. “Give me a status report, Colonel Williams.” “Sir, we have a non-responsive engineer team and 3 non-responsive trooper squads. Otherwise all systems green, sir.” “How long ago did the teams go dark?” “Twenty-two minutes ago, captain.” “Well, send spec-ops team to investigate. We might as well make use of them while their here.” Lasky turned and stared out the ships viewport, into the cold, dark void known as space. Could it, he thought, be serious enough for sterilization? No, spec-ops could get it done, they always have before. Jason’s datapad beeped twice, informing him of new orders. “Ok, Spartans, suit up! We’ve got reports of disturbances and missing squads in engineering sector b-52. They were en route to make repairs to a malfunctioning engine, but they have been unresponsive for a while. Our job is to move in and bring that engine back online by oh-seven-hundred hours. Find the missing teams if possible, but get that engine online!” he watched as his team of Spartans climbed aboard. Miranda 332, Thomas 496, Michael 431, and Carlos 356. They were his team, his family, and he had almost seen them die so many times, both by his hands and the UNSC’s. he didn’t think he could take it if they died. “Ok team, let’s move out!” About 2 hours later, they arrived at the engineering sectors’ landing pad. ”ok Spartans, let’s hustle!” the pilot said, “Call me when you’re done and I’ll come pick you up, but please make sure the landing pad is clear, I don’t wanna end up like vantwalski.” She said sarcastically. The team of Spartans moved swiftly and silently through the dark corridors, hoping to find the missing squads alive, when they entered a badly damaged power control room. One dead trooper was hanging by his neck, with slash marks all over his back. Two more were lying on the floor, in puddles of blood. The fourth one was lying sprawled over a control panel, which was sparking and had brown ooze all over it. “Damn, what the hell happened here!?” Miranda said. In the dim flickering lights hanging from the ceiling, they could barely notice the destroyed blast door on the far side of the room. It was, however, stuck shut behind a support column. “Camrie!” Jason said, “Patch me through to the captain on a secure channel, and put his image on the left side of my HUD.” Five seconds later, captain lasky was buzzing in Jason’s ear. “Ok Spartans, what have you got? Have you found the squads?” “Yes, one of the missing trooper squads. They’re all dead sir, look.” Jason hit a small, nearly invisible button on the side of his helmet, and started transmitting visuals to lasky. “Captain, would you like a continuous feed?” “Yes, keep sending visuals, and show me what were up against.” Jason was about to respond, when he heard a strange noise from behind the damaged door. He pulled out his assault rifle and aimed at the door. “Micheal, Carlos! Go check it out!”“Yes sir!” the two Spartans crept towards the door slowly and alertly, when suddenly an explosion sent the door flying strait at Micheal. “Ugh!” the door sent him back 20 feet and landed right on top of him. He tried to lift the door off himself, but it was too heavy. “Jason, help get this door off me!” Jason, being the only Spartan II on the team, he was the only one who could lift it alone. He ran over to Micheal and tossed the door across the room, right into a control panel. The control panel exploded into a shower of sparks and smoke.“Lights out, Miranda!” said Jason. Miranda then tossed a flash bang into the doorway. As soon as it detonated, hundreds of little squid-like creatures started pouring through the door. Jason, of all people, should know what they were up against. He had fought them before. They were fighting The Flood.“Move, move! Get the hell out of here and let’s seal this place off! Lasky, the Flood are on the ship! Repeat, the Flood are on the ship!” “What!?! How the hell did this happen?” “No idea, sir, but we had better sterilize this place!” “No, Spartan, you need to clear the area and seal every entrance and exit to engineering. I will not have the flood loose on my ship!” Lasky ordered.  CHAPTER 9:HIVEMIND, GRAVEMIND,SUPERMIND “H-h-h-humans! W-w-w-h-h-h-y-y-y d-d-d-o-o-o y-y-y-o-o-o-u-u-u t-t-t-r-r-r-e-e-e-a-a-a-d-d-d s-s-s-o-o-o n-n-n-e-e-e-a-a-a-r-r-r t-t-t-o-o-o m-m-m-y-y-y h-h-h-o-o-o-m-m-m-e-e-e??!!” CHAPTER 10:INVASION TΫrocian stood at the view screen with both hands behind his back. “Servant!” “Yes, my lord?” the servant replied nervously. “Is the fleet ready?” he demanded. “Yes, my lord. I have also prepared your ship, my lord, in case you may want to go.” “Good, we attack in 32 cycles. Go to your ship, I’m done with you.” He punched a command into his view screen and Klorcon’s face appeared. “You are to report to me at once!” he turned off the screen and sat in his chair. Another servant entered and came up to him. “My lord, we have an engine malfunction. We will not be able to leave!” “I do not have time for your petty games, servant!” he stood and lifted the servant by his neck and crushed it. “Well, what are you fools waiting for?! Attack!” “Beginning invasion, my lord.” A servant at a control panel said.  CHAPTER 11:NEWCOVENANT “…and put forth our efforts to reimbark on the Great Journey!” the prophet of war preached. The prophet of Construction had always thought that the Great Journey was ridiculous; he knew what the halos did… and he wanted this blasphemy to end.Everyone watching this prophet and believing him were all fools. Mindless fools. He stood and made his way out of the Hall Of Judgment. The four honor guard escorts followed him all the way to the observation chamber. He ordered the honor guards out of the room and told them to watch the door. He then pulled out a Holo-projector and the Arbiters form appeared.” Your plan is failing, Arbiter. We need to move quickly if we are to squash this heresy!” “Agreed, construction. I’m launching a raid on a covenant shipyard in the Terekonian andromedus system. We are going to attempt to hijack a new ship called a mothership. If we succeed, then the covenant won’t stand a chance against one of our raids. However, if we cannot capture this ship in a timely manner, we will simply destroy the shipyard, and anything near it.”The Arbiter said. “Good, this should smear their trust in the prophet of war’s promises of safety. He’ll be looked upon as a fool and a failure!” Construction said hopefully. “Great, we’ll commence the attack in twelve rotations. Good luck, old friend.” “And to you, Arbiter.” The Prophet of Construction turned off his holo-projector and left to his quarters. CHAPTER 12:THE WRECKAGE OFTHE INGENOPE. Captain Freeman’s eyes flashed open, and he groaned as he tried to get up. “Uhg… that the hell happened lieutenant... Lieutenant!?” maybe he was the only survivor… or maybe he was dead… Damn it! Why make me live through this, God!? Why make me suffer!? He thought. “Ugh… captain? Are you there, captain? Help… meee…” said a voice to his left. ”captain, please! Get this thing off me!” 

the last chapter is a rough sketch its unfinished

also, thanks for the feedback guys, its really helping me. if you have any fanfics of anything or just rough drafts of things your writing for fun feel free to post and let us read them.

[Caboose The Ace]

One thing. Paragraphs....

 

And add a spoiler as that is a lot of text.

[MJTOWER]

im sorry guys, im not posting any more of this until im done... check my other forums and reply

[MJTOWER]

Finished wrath of the ancient.. Can't post yet until I type parts two and three. I started typing the rift wars today, and I've just left senghieli of redemption alone for now until I'm done with wrath of the ancient.

 

Yep now for the good the bad and the questionable

 

The Good.

 

Interesting story

Quickly starts the story off

 

The Bad

 

The writing is very simplistic with very little describing words. You rarely describe the situation.

Real short chapters. My rule for chapters personally is try to make it as long as the last. And by that I see how many lines I have typed up.

Nothing is really established so far like characters etc

 

The questionable.

 

I doubt scholastic would publish this. Not because of what I said above but because of copy right.

 

Overall it was alright. Nothing amazing but don't give up writing.

 

5 tips for writing

 

1 Take regular breaks

2 Look at what other people have done and see if you can take any ideas from that ( like writing style, how they present their work etc ) but try and make it your own. My writing style is inspired by Mathew stover, but I have added my own twist to it with a bit of James luceno in there for good measure.

3 Take feedback and apply it to future chapters.

4 Don't be afraid to share

5 Look back at what you have wrote and see how you can improve it.

Sorry about the beginning and the bad stuff, I'm inexperienced. The newest additions are very well detailed but sometimes focus on some characters and events more than others at times. I'll post as soon as I get access to a computer! Lol but I'm on my tablet so..

And I've changed my mind. I'm just going to publish this to this website and a few other fabric sites so I can get reviews. Hope you guys enjoy the final copy when I'm done typing. So far over eleven thousand words lol

[Caboose The Ace]

^

 

Looking forward to it.

[MJTOWER]

darn... its me, mjtower. i couldnt remember login so created new account... again... this is my third account... anyways, im still doing many many revisions to enhance depth and story of part one, and im typing part two. it may be a very long time, its already been almost a full year since starting, and its already looking amazing. you havent even seen anything by the first typed copy i posted. but its so long now i couldnt post the whole thing now. its 42 pages and over 12,000 words. site would lag for you and take about an hour and thirty minutes to read.

[Caboose The Ace]

^

 

Post it over time.

 

I would really like to read some more.

[MJTOWER]

13,000 words more than 40 pages probably around fifty pages

 

RISE OF THE

ANCIENTS

Book one:

Return Of The Dark Ones

 

 

 

Authors: Matthew Tower and Matthew Prosise

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Prologue:

->[DEEP SPACE MESSAGE//ORIGIN: DSCF COMMAND OUTPOST//LOCATION: TERONIAN MINING FACILITIES, KLIPTORIAN SYSTEM ASTEROID BELT BELT//]

->[iNITIAL DATA PACKAGE RELAY DATE: October 12, 2586]

->[AUDIO ONLY//DESTINATION TARGET: CPTN THOMAS MATTELLY OF DSCF JUPITER CLASS I//TARGET LOCATION: SOMEWHERE IN THE CELTORIAN SYSTEM//RETRIEVAL DATE: UNKNOWN]

 

 ->  “Corporal Grant of Fireteam Omega, of the DSCF Swift of Night, Requesting immediate assistance! We were sent here to explore this…encountered a Disturbance…in a few of the mining… we dug deeper into the depths …ange structures, we found s…thing VERY bad! Send immed…”   

(Static)

->[END OF MESSAGE]

 

 

Chapter 1:

The

DSCF

 INGENOPE

            “Captain freeman, sir!”

 “At Ease, Jason… I’ve read your file… all of it, and I have to say, I’m impressed.”

            “Thank you, sir.” Jason had always had a tinge of hatred towards his higher ranking officers, despite his own rank of Major. However, he had always looked up to captain freeman, mainly because he was a father-ish figure to him.

            Two marines burst into the bridge, both panting and sweating. “Emergency in hangar C-5, Sir! We’re under attack!” one said in a worried but steady tone.

            “All units, report to defensive positions!” the captain ordered over the ships intercom. “This is where you come in…”

________________

            “All emergency teams, report to starboard hangar C-5 immediately! Prepare to repel boarders!”

            The armories and physical stasis-bays were in absolute chaos as Marines, ERST’s, Pilots, and crewmen prepared for battle. The only person on board who wasn’t freaking out or even the slightest bit scared was Captain Freeman. Although, the reason for this was he had had multiple FTF encounters with hostile alien races before (more than half of them TOP SECRET, not to be recorded in any way by any persons other than ranking FRC officials) and survived to tell the stories, with almost no battle scars to show for it.

            “All hands, we need optics personnel on decks three through nine! Prepare to vent portside hanger bays K-3 through D-4!” the captain ordered over the ships maincomm. “All AA units provide immediate cover for our EVAC Cardinals! If they don’t make it out of here in one piece, we may not make it through this alive…”

            The captain had learned from previous experience that it paid to always have at least one wave of Cardinal drop ships ready for emergencies such as these, even if it meant wasting fuel in the process. Many of the higher officers, such as Admirals and Colonels disapproved of his methods, but they had proven worthwhile on at least fifteen different occasions, saving more than half of his crew members and passengers each time.

________________

Jason spoke through his comm to the rest of his team; “Spec-ops, get battle ready, STAT!”

            As the Super soldier ran to the armory, Captain Freeman told his communications officer to send the automated distress call to all nearby systems, when suddenly the ship shuddered from a massive explosion.

            “What the hell was that, Lieutenant!?” Jason said, startled.

            “I have no clue, sir…” Miranda said after hesitating for a few seconds.

            “Spec-ops, change of plans! Get to your ship, and get the hell out of here!”

“Sir… yes sir!” the Super soldier had hated this ship since the moment he had set foot on the damned thing, so he didn’t argue. The mere thought of confined spaces like these was almost enough to make him shiver.

            As soon as spec-ops teams’ ship left the hangar, the DSCF Ingenope broke in half. The ship shuddered and spec ops commanders A.I. said “scanning…no survivors detected, we should go before were spotted.”

“Damn it! Ok, you’re probably right, let’s go.”

“Commander, we should leave… NOW!” Spec-Ops Lieutenant Miranda 327 stated in a serious but somehow calming tone. “Agreed.”

“All Cardinals, lifeboats, and escape ships from the DSCF Ingenope dock with our ship or form up on us immediately, were getting out of here.”

________________

 

Captain Freeman stood in horror as his ship was blasted to pieces by the unknown alien force that was almost invisible to the background of deep dark space. He had almost literally grown up on this ship – mostly as a stowaway searching for a home – and hated to see it destroyed like this. Ever since he had joined the navy and made something of his life, he valued the preservation of his ship and crew. He tried to give them the best he could, from the newest SSP cores to the top notch bunks for his crew members, those of which could be found in five star hotels on Timooren IV. It had cost him a great deal many more credits than he had originally planned, but he would do anything he could to give his ship and his crew the best he could.
            Chapter 2:

                                                          Jupiter class

 

          The Spec-Ops teams’ ship came out of Faster than light travel right next to the biggest ship ever witnessed to mankind- the DSCF Jupiter Class. At 4x the size of the planet Jupiter, nothing could live up to its size.

            “This is the first of the remaining 3 Jupiter class ships, The DSCF Helix gammaridae, also the most technologically advanced. However slow it may look, it packs a surprising punch… 7 were scrapped, two KIA.” Camrie said with a hint of interest.

            “Camrie, get your nose out of that, its classified!”

            “Relax, Jason! I’m only in the local tab. Hmm, a little too easy to access.”

            The comm. buzzed, “ATTENTION UNIDENTIFIED VESSEL! This is Fleet Admiral Mattelly of DSCF Helix gammaridae, identify immediately, over!”

            “This is Jason 118 of spec-ops squad, requesting permission to dock, over!”

            “Granted. What happened to your ship?”

            “Destroyed by unknown hostile forces, sir!”

            “I’m sorry to hear that….. When you’re on board, report to my office for immediate debriefing, understood?”

            “Roger that, Admiral.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 3:

Awakening

 

          “Wake now, my master! Reclaim the galaxy you once ruled, so many millennia ago!”

            “Be gone, servant! I have work to do… hmmm… yes, the time has come to destroy those wretched concierges once and for all! Now begins a new millennium- one in which the DARK ONES has come to being!”

            “AWAKEN NOW MY BRETHEREN, I COMMAND IT!!!” said the DARK ONES leader as he rose from the Hypertravel sleep pod.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 4:

ETERNAL NIGHTFALL

 

            High above the beautiful rainforests and high mountains of the planet Creos Delta, a massive shadow loomed - the shadow of a ship called the ETERNAL NIGHTFALL. They were here to investigate the sudden halt of trade and communications in the region. Supposedly, the Rebels had put up a blockade around the planet, but so far they had only found a debris field around the planet. Most of the debris had been disintegrated, and no plasma burns were seen.

            It was the strangest post-battle scene Captain Ackerman had ever witnesses… and he had seen Resort after it was invaded by the Amicitia. Everywhere he looked, there was debris. They had to brace for impact multiple times for large chunks of Hull plating colliding with their ship, causing mostly minor damage. At one point they had to raise the blast shield on the Bridge because an engine generator almost hit them.

            “It looks like the ******* apocalypse out here… initiate a deep-scan, tell me when you find something.”

            “Sir,” the comm. officer said,” what if it was the Amicitia? I know it sounds ridiculous, but what if they’re back?” The comm. Officer was beginning to wish he hadn’t signed up for the navy. “Wait… Captain, look -over there! It looks like… a ship?”

            “What the hell? Zoom in, I need to see more…” the screen beeped and enlarged the image. “It’s an unknown alien ship sir, but it’s definitely not Amicitia…” said the tech officer to his left, who was eying the strange new ship nervously.  

 The captain saw a flash from the strange ship, and suddenly the ETERNAL NIGHTFALL shut down. “Mayday, mayday, were going down! Sir, all systems offline!” the ETERNAL NIGHTFALL lurched and started to fall into the planets’ atmosphere… fast.

            “Damn! How long until emergency power kicks in?!” the captain yelled.

“Any minute now! I’d hold on if I were you!” he said as the ship lurched violently, the gravity of the planet pulling it ever closer as the enemy ship began charging their weapons.

            “Backup generator online! Fire at will!” and with a thunderous crack, the Hypercannon fired, along with a salvo of streaker missiles.

            The captain watched in horror as the attack had no effect on the enemy ship. In fact, they seemed to pass right through it!

            “Jacob! Prep Emergency jump coordinates!” the AI’s holographic form shimmered into view and began preparing the Faster than light travel drive.

            Just as they jumped, the enemy ship unleashed hell.

            4 hours later, the DSCF ETERNAL NIGHTFALL came out of Faster than light travel. “Lieutenant, what the HELL was that?!” the captain yelled angrily.

            “I have no idea sir, the sector showed nothing until we entered the atmosphere.”

            “Plot a course for The DSCF Helix gammaridae, and get me a line to Lord Hood. Now!” he was obviously pissed, so the lieutenant obeyed without question.” Sergeant, get me a casualty report!”

 

 

 

CHAPTER 5:

NEW TARGET

 

                The DARK ONES leader, TΫrocian, turned to his second in command and picked him up by his neck. Hmm… It’s ironic, really, how easily he could crush it.

                “You fail me yet again, Klorcon. Why do I even bother to let you live?! You cannot perform a simple task such as killing a human vessel? PATHETIC!” TΫrocian spat in Klorcon’s face, and dropped him to his knees where he sat in self-pity.

                “My master, the ship jumped away too quickly! We had no time to attack!”

                “EXCUSES! Hunt them down and finish them off, or say goodbye to my patience! I’ve had enough of your games, Klorcon. Leave my ship before I decide to kill you myself!” Klorcon climbed to his feet and limped away in agony.

                “You,” he pointed to a servant passing by, “come to me, servant! I wish to see your face!” the servant set down the canister he was carrying and hurried over to TΫrocian. “Y-yes, my lord?”

                “You are to hunt down this human vessel and destroy it. If you fail, there will be nothing to stop me from ripping you apart limb by limb.” TΫrocian Bellowed as the servant cowered in front of him, nodding his head in understanding.

                “Y-y-y-yes, my l-l-lord! Immediately!” the servant stuttered as he ran to his designated ship.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 6:

NEW PROPHET

 

Kyne Tyronee was watching his holo-projector on politics, hoping to see a change in the tide of his home planets civil war, when a breaking news report flashed on the screen. “Prophet of war takes Amicitia by force, redeems war against humanity!”

            Perfect. Now he would have to find out how to kill this prophet too. He was glad the formions were not operational, seeing as they now knew the locations of all of them… his thoughts were interrupted by a massive plasma mortar explosion nearby. He was getting tired of this blasphemous civil war. It had been going on for 26 solar orbits now, and the Heretics just won’t seem to let up! Well, maybe now they would, seeing as the krinors practically own the Amicitia.

            Well, this is going to be a long week, he thought.

 

 

CHAPTER 7:

THE CONCIERGES

 

            The HELIX GAMMARIDAE came out of Faster than light travel right in front of the mega planet. It had so far been proved inhabitable by the air levels and the fresh water. Strangely enough, however, the planet had shown no signs of past or present life except the plants, yet an entire fleet had gone missing here.

            “Sir, we’ve established 12 firebases so far, and the planet is free of life signs.” The A.I. said, confused as to why there was no life here, despite all the natural resources.

“Thank you Carter, prep the…”

Just then Carter interrupted him “Wait! I’ve just located a secure cave not too far from firebase DELTA. Its artificial, but far too advanced to be Fyronian.”

            “Well, get that door open, Carter! I’m placing a Fireteam en route.”

            3 minutes later, the door lurched open with a groan and let out a massive gust of air that knocked Carl off his feet.” Well, that’s something you don’t see every day. Nice fall Carl!” teased one of the marines behind him. The rest of the squad started laughing hysterically.

            “Shut up Michelson! You haven’t forgotten about that incident that I ‘overlooked’, have you?” Carl stopped talking and turned to face a loud growl. What he saw next, he almost couldn’t comprehend. Six massive figures, mostly reptilian, were lying on the ground.

            One yawned and stood up. “Greetings, humans! I am the leader of the Guardians of the Sentients. We are a small faction of selfless organisms who have given up our rights as living beings to protect others. Therefore, we have no names, futures, pasts, or feelings. Have the RIFT WARS concluded? The DARK ONES defeated? The vivens?”

            “Well, I don’t know about the DARK ONES or the RIFT WARS, but I do know the vivens is contained on the Formion’s…”

            “The vivens? Contained? ARE YOU ALL MAD?! The vivens cannot be contained, they will only grow stronger in captivity!”

            “We didn’t do it, the Fyronians did!” Carl said

            “Well, we need to destroy them as soon as we can! Do you have a ship we can use?”

            “Yes, but it’s ours. We can give you a lift in it though…”

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 8:

FIRST ENCOUNTER

Mattelly walked into the hangar, irritated, and said, “Marine, do you know the protocol on bringing alien creatures on board my ship without proper authority? I damn well could just place you under arrest for disregard of protocol!”

            “I’m sorry, sir, but the guardians said…”

            “I don’t give a damn what these things said! Unless you give me one good reason not to, I’m going to expel you all from the ship!”

            “Well, they said that they need transportation to the FORMION’s to destroy the vivens. They also said they know the new race that’s been attacking us. All we need to do to get them to talk is provide them with a room on the ship.” Carl said nervously.

            “You never follow your god damned orders, do you? Screw it, give them sector 4 environment chamber. And I want to see you in my office as soon as they’re secure, understand?” Mattelly ordered. He then turned on a heel and headed for the elevator to the bridge.

            “Well, I guess we had better get moving… follow me.” As soon as Carl turned around, he spotted a team of SICARIUS’s in black and white armor… Holy ****! It’s SPEC-OPS! Wow, he never thought he would get to see them in person, especially because of their reputations…

            “What the hell are you just standing there for, marine? Didn’t you hear the man? GET YOUR ASS MOVING!” the bulky one said. He must be the leader of spec ops… he chose to listen, before he found out first hand that the Spec-Ops really could rip a man apart limb from limb.

 

 

 

            Fifteen minutes later, Carl walked into the Supreme Admirals’ office, prepared to have to defend himself against Mattelly’s wrath.

            “Soldier, would you care to explain your actions?” Mattelly asked, outraged by how many men on his ship didn’t do as he asked as often as he would have liked.

            Carl just stood there, trying to come up with a response that wouldn’t land him on trial for treason or disregard of protocol.

            “You had one set of orders: ‘scout the area, report unusual sightings’. Why, then, have you brought these… creatures on my ship? Have you no respect for Deep Space Command Federation protocols?”

            “But sir, I…”

            “Marine, think carefully about what you’re going to say next, because if it doesn’t even slightly convince me you are innocent, I’ll have you locked up for the rest of your life.” Said Mattelly as he glared at the marine.

            Carl paused before responding, “Sir, these creatures claim they know who we are fighting and can give us Intel on them. What did they mean by ‘who were fighting’, and who are the Dark Ones?”

            “That’s classified, Private, Need to know only. I want you on civilian control in NEW EUPHRADES for the next 3 months, understand? We’ll be dropping you off next chance I get.”

            “Yes sir…” Carl said, disappointed in himself.

            “Well? Get to it, Marine, unless you want me to reconsider…?”

            Carl turned and hurried out the door as fast as his feet could carry.

 

 

            Meanwhile, Vice Admiral Prowell stepped off the elevator into the bridge. “Give me a status report, Colonel Williams.”

            “Sir, we have a non-responsive engineer team and 3 missing trooper squads. Otherwise all systems green, sir.”

            “How long ago did the teams go dark?”

            “Twenty-two minutes ago, Sir.”

            “Well, send spec-ops team to investigate. We might as well make use of them while their here.” Prowell turned and stared out the ships viewport, into the cold, dark void known as space. Could it, he thought, be serious enough for sterilization? No, spec-ops could get it done, they always have before.

 

           

Jason’s datapad beeped twice, informing him of new orders. “Ok, Spec-Ops, suit up! We’ve got reports of disturbances and missing squads in engineering sector b-52. They were en route to make repairs to a malfunctioning engine, but they went dark twenty minutes ago. Our job is to move in and bring that engine back online by oh-seven-hundred hours. Find the missing teams if possible, but get that engine online!” he watched as his team of Spec-Ops climbed aboard. Miranda 332, Thomas 496, Michael 431, and Carlos 356. They were his team, his family, and he had almost seen them die so many times, both by his hands and the DSCF’s. He didn’t think he could take it if they died.

            “Ok team, let’s move out!”

           

 

            About 2 hours later, Spec-Ops team arrived at the engineering sectors’ landing pad. “Ok Spec-Ops, let’s hustle!” the pilot said over the headset, “Call me when you’re done and I’ll come pick you up, but please make sure the landing pad is clear, I don’t wanna end up like vantwalski.” She said sarcastically.

            The team of Spec-Ops super soldiers moved swiftly and silently through the dark corridors, hoping to find the missing squads alive, when they entered a badly damaged power control room. One dead trooper was hanging by his neck, with slash marks all over his back. Two more were lying on the floor, in puddles of blood. The fourth one was lying sprawled over a control panel, which was sparking and had brown ooze all over it. The fifth trooper was nowhere to be seen.    

            “What happened here?” Miranda said.

            In the dim flickering light provided by the sparking overheads hanging from the ceiling, they could barely notice the destroyed blast door on the far side of the room.

            “Camrie,” Jason said, “Patch me through to Mattelly on a secure channel, and put his image on the upper left side of my HUD.”

            Five seconds later, Admiral Mattelly was buzzing in Jason’s ear. “Ok Spec-Ops, what have you got? Have you found the squads?”

            “Yes, one of the missing trooper squads. They’re all dead sir, look.” Jason hit a small, nearly invisible button on the side of his helmet, and started transmitting visuals to Mattelly.

            “Sir, do you want me to send live feed?”

            “Yes, keep sending visuals, and show me what were up against.”

 Jason was about to respond, when he heard a strange noise from behind the damaged door. He pulled out his assault rifle and aimed at the door.

            “Micheal, Carlos! Go check it out!”

“Yes sir!” the two Spec-Ops crept towards the door slowly and alertly, when suddenly an explosion sent the door flying strait at Micheal. “Ugh!” the door sent him back 20 feet and landed right on top of him. He tried to lift the door off himself, but it was too heavy. “Jason, help get this door off me!” Jason, being the only     SICARIUS II on the team, was the only one who could lift it alone. He ran over to Micheal and tossed the door across the room, right into a control panel. The control panel exploded into a shower of sparks and smoke.

“Lights out, Miranda!” said Jason. Miranda then tossed a flashbang into the doorway. As soon as it detonated, hundreds of little squid-like creatures started pouring through the door. Jason, of all people, should know what they were up against. He had fought them before. They were fighting the vivens.

“Move, move! Get the hell out of here and let’s seal this place off! Mattelly, the vivens are on the ship! Repeat, the vivens are on the ship!”

            “What!?! How the HELL did this happen?”

            “No idea, sir, but we had better sterilize this place!”

            “No Jason, you need to clear the area and seal every entrance and exit to engineering. I will NOT have the vivens loose on my ship!” Mattelly ordered.

 

 

 

           

           

 

 

 

CHAPTER 9:

Hivemind,

Overmind,

Supermind

 

            A large figure hidden in the cover of the shadow in the engineering section of the Helix Gammaridae released a loud rumble and said: “I have suffered for countless eons, but I have been freed! Now, you shall suffer my wrath as I have yours!.”

 

 

CHAPTER 10:

INVASION

           

            TΫrocian stood at the view screen with both hands behind his back. “Servant!”

            “Yes, my lord?” the servant replied.

            “Is the fleet ready?” he demanded.

            “Yes, my lord. I have also prepared your ship, my lord, in case you may want to go.”

            “Good, we attack in 32 cycles. Go to your ship, I’m done with you.” He punched in a command on his view screen and Klorcon’s face appeared. “You are to report to me at once!” he turned off the screen and pulled up some after battle data reports from during the RIFT WARS.

            Another servant entered and came up to him. “My lord, we have an engine malfunction. We will not be able to leave!”

            “I do not have time for your petty games, servant!” he turned and lifted the servant by his neck and crushed it. “Well, what are you fools waiting for?!”

            “Beginning invasion, my lord!” A servant at a control panel said.

            TΫrocian turned back to face his viewport, which shown with multiple battle reports and tactics in his language of Klorbinean.

           

 

 

CHAPTER 11:

NEW

AMICITIA

            “…and put forth our efforts to reimbark on the Journey of Gods!” the prophet of war preached. The prophet of Construction had always thought that the Great Journey was ridiculous; he knew what the Formions did… and he wanted this blasphemy to end.

Everyone watching this prophet and believing him were all fools. Mindless fools. He thought as He stood and made his way out of the Hall Of Judgment. The four honor guard escorts followed him all the way to the observation chamber.

            He ordered the honor guards out of the room and told them to watch the door. He then pulled out a Holo-projector and the Great ones form appeared. “Your plan is failing, Great one.. We need to move quickly if we are to squash this heresy!”

            “Agreed, construction. I’m launching a raid on a Amicitia shipyard in the Terekonian andromedus system. We are going to attempt to hijack a new ship called a mothership. If we succeed, then the Amicitia won’t stand a chance against one of our raids. However, if we cannot capture this ship in a timely manner, we will simply destroy the shipyard, and anything near it.” The Great One said.

            “Good, this should smear their trust in the prophet of war’s promises of safety. He’ll be looked upon as a fool and a failure!” Construction said hopefully.

            “Great, we’ll commence the attack in twelve rotations. Good luck, old friend.”

            “And to you, Great one.” The Prophet of Construction turned off his holo-projector and left to his quarters.

CHAPTER 12:

THE WRECKAGE

OF

THE INGENOPE.

[October 21, 2586 1306 Hours]

            Captain Freeman’s eyes flashed open, and he groaned as he tried to get up. “Uhg… what the hell happened lieutenant... Lieutenant!?” what the hell happened to my ship, He thought to himself as he stumbled to his feet, only to find the Bridge destroyed

            “Captain? Are you there, captain? Help…Ugh… me!” said a voice to his left. ”captain, please! Get this thing off me!” the voice strained. The captained picked his way towards the direction of the voice in the dimly lit bridge.

“Hold on soldier, I’m here to help.” The captain said as he lifted the terminal off the soldier.

            “Ugh… I’m Master Sargeant Greenfield, Charlie-Delta …fighter-bomber… squadron. As soon as the ship fell under fire and I heard…unh… the order for spec ops to evac, I came to the…ugh… bridge right away…” he winced as a nearby terminal shot sparks at him.” What the hell attacked us anyways?”

            “No idea… something we’ve never faced before. We should get out of here before this ship falls apart.”

            Two minutes later, they arrived in the armory, which was dimly lit and had a small fire in the corner. “Come on, sargeant, we need to put out that fire before it reaches the explosives.” The two of them started spraying the fire with the extinguishers until there was nothing but a spark.

            “That was close…”

            “Too close…” the sergeant said as they grabbed their weapons. The captain grabbed a magnum, 2 High-Explosive Dual-Purpose frags, and a tactical shotgun. The sergeant, on the other hand, grabbed an energy discharger, an F1 assault rifle, and a sniper rifle. He also grabbed a few Tactical Charges and three trip mines, just in case.

            “Uhh, sir? There’s a locked blast door here, we may need to find another route…” Greenfield said.

            “That’s our only available route, sargeant… hmm… oh wait, I know the emergency codes...” The captain said as he began punching in codes on the keypad. Two minutes later, the door slowly started to creak open, smoking and sparking along the way.

            “Sir, it looks like we have a problem… the ship is literally broken in half… we have no access to the escape pods… how are we going to get out of here?”

            “Is the hangar still there? If so, we’ll get a Cardinal or Heron, load it with supplies, siphon fuel from other ships, and get the HELL out of here!” He looked around for a second and realized that he had forgotten the A.I. “Oh hell, we forgot James…”

            As soon as he entered the bridge, the A.I.’s holographical form appeared and crossed its arms with a cocky attitude. “Well captain, I was beginning to think you had forgotten me…”

            “James, don’t even start with me. We don’t have time for your nonsensical remarks.”  the captain said in a very serious tone. “Alright, let’s get moving, we have to gather supplies and get two physical stasis-cargos on board for the trip… James, are there any Cargo shuttles on board, or maybe any Cardinals?”

            “Sir, we have 2 cargo shuttles and a Cardinal dropship with a scorpion on board, but only the Cardinal is operational. Apparently the pilot never made it to the dropship before the Ingenope broke in two… make that THREE parts.”

            “Three? How?”

            “The ship was targeted in three primary sectors: the forward weapons launch station, the mid-ship weapons system launch station, and the aft armory.”

            “Ok, does the Cardinal have any supplies loaded, or do we need to load it ourselves?”

            “It is half loaded, but you’ll have to load the rest. It’s at seventy-five percent fuel capacity, and the firebase is fully operational. You have three Jeeps in the firebase, and 1 MMB… wait, there are three marine squads in the physical stasis bay… setting waypoint now.” A split second later, a waypoint appeared in the captain’s visor, alerting him of the physical stasis bays’ location.

                “Nice work, James. Greenfield, let’s go!”

            “Yes sir!”

            The two crew members made their way through the debris to the nearest emergency supply closet, where they grabbed two crates of zero-gravity-zero-atmosphere, or ZGZA suits, and put them on. Two minutes later, they made their way to the physical stasis-bay, hoping the marines were still alive and in physical stasis sleep, and hoping that there were no hull breaches in that sector, but that’s what they had the suits for.

───────

            [1400 Hours]

            “Captain, I found them!” the sargeant yelled as he turned the corner.

            “On my way, sargeant, hold on!”

            As soon as he stepped into the physical stasis-bay, he wanted to puke… about 6 dead, defaced bodies were floating around in the zero-gee room. “What the hell happened here, James!?”

            “How should I know? I was in dormancy when the ship went dark… oh, it appears this area had undergone emergency depressurization due to a massive fire which was spreading throughout this sector… the marines in the physical stasis-cargos are still showing vitals, but they’re fading… re-activating airlock and gravity generators for this sector… but they can only operate at thirty percent for half an hour, since we need the emergency power for lighting and life support.” as soon as he said it, the ship made a deep grinding noise and shuddered. The room was littered with dead bodies as the gravity reactivated, and a wretched rotting-meat smell engulfed the room.

            “Air quality is sixty-nine percent, and decreasing at three percent every ten minutes. I recommend getting them in their suits very soon… thawing now.”

            A full 3 minutes had passed before the pods opened and the marines crawled out, throwing up the physical stasis-stimulants.

            “Alright marines, get battle ready ASAP! And put these suits on… we need to evacuate this ship before it falls apart completely!” after he finished talking, the ship shuddered again, worse this time. It knocked one of the marines off his feet, and disoriented the other four.

            “What the hell… did something just hit us?”

            “Not sure, but whatever it is, I doubt its anything good.”

            “Could it be a rescue team? How long have we been in physical stasis, captain?”

            “Hmm… not likely… James, do a deep-scan, report anything not listed in storage report or crew listings. Give me full internal camera playback for the past three and a half hours. Play through it first and delete stall time, keep anything with movement.” He said as they made their way to the armory and then to the hangar bay with emergency cargo such as food, water, and medical equipment.

 

 

Chapter 13:

New Euphrades

 

            The spec-ops teams’ Cardinal set down a half mile from the city center. “Alright Spec-Ops, you know the mission: the Rebels have taken this city by force, and we are going to take it back.  Split into two teams, Micheal and Carlos, you’re with me; Miranda, you’re with Thomas. Here, take this sniper rifle. It’s got a silencer, thermal scope with 4 levels of visual Enhancement, and an 8-round armor piercing clip. You only have 40 shots, so use them wisely.”

            The Cardinal started to take off, when a rocket flew through a fifth story window and hit the tail. The tail exploded and flew off into a nearby shop. The Cardinal started spinning and crash landed upside down in the second floor of a big office building to their left.

            “****! Spec-Ops, move, get the pilot and the marines out of there before something bad happens!”

            “If this isn’t bad to you, I don’t know what is.” Thomas said.

            “If you want to see bad, try a full scale planetary invasion…” Micheal said.

            The Spec-ops team moved into the building and made their way to the Cardinal. Jason stood on the back of the Cardinal and ripped of the Cardinal’s door with a single punch. The marines were knocked out on the roof of the Cardinal, and the door to the cockpit was blocked by a piece of the floor. Jason grabbed the marines and handed them to his team, where they moved them out of the building. He then grabbed the steel plated titanium alloy metal floor and bent it outwards. He opened the door and saw the pilot gasping for air in her chair. “Jason… we need to get out of here...now! The fuel line is ruptured, it’s going to blow!”

            Jason pried the control panel off her leg and lifted her over his shoulders, and ran out the back of the Cardinal. As soon as he reached the stairwell, he saw a little boy around 6 year’s old standing on the ledge above, gawking at him. He pointed at Jason and said; “mommy look, a Sicarius! A Sicarius is here to save us!”

            Somewhere from out of sight, a female voice said “go on, Cody, jump to him! I can’t come with you, I’m stuck…”

            “No, I’m not leaving you!” the little boy ran to his mom and lay down next to her.

            Jason set down the pilot and jumped up to the ledge, where he saw a woman pinned under a beam. “Don’t worry, I’m here to help you. Give me a minute to get this beam off you…” Jason lifted the beam off the woman with a single motion and lifted her and her son onto his shoulder and jumped down to the pilot. He lifted the pilot up on his other shoulder and sprinted out of the building, where his team was waiting with a transport Jeep ready to go. He put the three of them down in the back and jumped in the drivers’ side. The rest of his team got the other Jeep equipped with a fifty-cal on the back.

            They were driving for a good five minutes before Jason saw a flash out of the corner of his eye. He looked to his right just as a sniper round flew past his helmet, tearing a hole in a hotel wall somewhere to his right. “Damn! Get in there, now!” the Sicarius team grabbed the civilians and ran straight into the Jade-Torrent Hotel lobby, which was engulfed in dust and scattered bits of debris. It was almost as if there had been a firefight in this very rom.

            Jason pulled out his infrared sniper, popped in a hollow point clip, and started searching for the Rebel sniper. “Te postea, fatue!” he fired his sniper rifle, heard a scream, and saw a man’s body falling from the tenth story window of the building he was aiming at.

 

[Te postea, fatue!: after you, fool.]

            Just then, Jason heard a footstep behind him. He whipped around and got ready to shoot something, only to find more civilians!

            “What the hell? What are civilians still doing here?! The city was evacuated hours ago!”

            “The evac shuttles were shot down before they even got close to the city, we’ve got about twenty people alone with us here. There’s no telling how many more are scattered throughout the city. Anyways, I’m police sergeant Mason, NEPD. And who are you Sicarius?”

            “That’s classified, sergeant. You don’t need to know who I am. Why haven’t you been signaling for backup?”

            “We think the Rebels are jamming our signal. All I know is that we have a large stash of confiscated military grade equipment locked up in the storage section of the police department, down that way.” He said as he pointed to the northeast sector of the city.

            “Who did you confiscate military equipment from, sergeant? And how did they get it in the first place?” Jason asked.

            “We took them from a few criminals in a drug bust. It was a big operation that ended about two weeks ago. We had been trying to get in for years, and when we did, it still took us a good 3 years just to find the ring leader. Overall, it was a 12 year operation, but that’s besides the point. If you can get us to the police station, they’re yours.”

            Jason hated the fact that how on almost every op. they went on, there was always something that had to get in their way and cost them valuable time. Time that he didn’t have. He turned around and tried to open a comm. Channel to the captain, but all he got was static. Damn, he thought, they really were jamming their signal.

            “Micheal, try to get me a secure line to the captain. Cut into the ships hardline if you need to, but don’t disrupt the signal. We don’t need any more interference than we already have.”

            “On it!” Micheal said as he pulled his datapad out of his supply bag and started typing rapidly.

            Five minutes later, Micheal looked up from his datapad and said, “Nada, I can’t break through. I don’t even think that the jamming frequency is man-made…”

            “Wait, what!? Who else could be jamming us?”

            “No idea, but its way high-tech. too high-tech for even the Amicitia.”

            Somewhere outside, an explosion shook the ground, causing part of the stairwell to collapse. “Nevermind. Right now we need to focus on getting these people to the police station. Ok, let’s move!”

            From that point out, they took the Jeep’s full speed through the debris and wreckage. They almost flipped, twice, causing them to almost get killed. Less than 20 minutes later, they reached the police station, where they ordered the civilians to stay hidden.

            “Ok, now where are the weapons, sargeant?” Jason asked.

            “Over there, behind that door. Only problem is, they’re locked up in a vault even I don’t have the codes for. And even if you could get through, they’re still locked up in stainless steel crates, which are locked shut.”

            Jason and Carlos walked over to the vault, where they both started to pry open the door. A full 60 seconds passed before the door was torn off its hinges, laying on its front on the floor in front of them.

            “Well, from your description, I thought it would be harder to open.” Carlos said as they stepped into the dark room.

            “Helmet lights on, you two! There’s no power to this area, anything could be hiding in here.”

            Fifteen minutes later, the three Spec-Ops walked out of the room with two crates each.

            “Well, I guess now I have seen it all…” the sargeant said as he watched them pry open the crates one at a time.

            “How in the hell did low level drug dealers get their hands on twelve HEAV rocket launchers? The military only uses those against innies and Amicitia. And these are equipped with target lock, which makes them even harder to get ahold of. Are you sure that they were drug dealers?” Jason said.

            “Look, I don’t know who they were, because all I did was document the weapons. That was my mission. If those weapons are as rare as you say they are, then either the drug dealers’ hijacked a military vehicle and stole them, or we took out a small group of Rebels.” The sargeant said as he eyed the weapons suspiciously.

            “And these are HIAM sniper rifles. Only Spec-Ops can get ahold of these.” Micheal said.

            “Ok, let’s move out, Spec-Ops! We’ve got a city to retake!” Jason said as they got in the Jeeps. “Sargeant, stay here and defend these civilians. We left you two crates of weapons, but ONLY use them if you need them.”

            Three minutes later, they arrived at their destination – the city center.

            “Ok, Micheal, you stay here on the gun, we may need a quick getaway. Carlos, you take out the fireteams in these four buildings. I’ll get the snipers hidden in the sky-scrapers.”

           

Chapter 14:

INFESTATION

            “Damn it!” MATTELLY exclaimed, “How the hell did the vivens get on my ship? Who let their guard down?” he slammed his fist on the control panel, causing it to beep twice and make a short electrical whirring sound. “Can we sterilize the sector?”

            “Nada, we’d have to seal the breech first. And even then, we’d still have to evacuate the civilians from the city. And Cyonine has over thirty-thousand people living there.”

            “If the city is exposed, it’s already been infected. Sterilize the sector.” MATTELLY ordered.

            “But sir! I have family there! Please, let us get as many people out as we can!...” the officer said.

            “I’m sorry, soldier, but orders are orders, and if you don’t obey Now, I’ll write you up for immediate disregard of direct orders from a commanding officer. Understood?”

            “…Yes sir… sterilizing the sector in 3…2…1…” the officer said hesitantly.

            Three minutes later, “the sector is in quarantine for the next two days. Nothing could survive that.”

            “Nothing alive, maybe… Torch the sector as well.”

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 15:

COUNTERATTACK

            Carlos screwed the dual purpose suppressor to the end of his chain gun just as he entered the first shop. He cleared it in about thirty seconds flat. Hmmm… he thought that’s a new personal record…

            Jason crawled over to the edge of the shop’s roof and took aim on the first building... only to look up a second later to see a massive alien warship looming overhead! Not only one, but an entire fleet of them! “Carlos, we’re falling back to the Jeep and getting the hell out of here, NOW!” Jason said over the comm as he made a run for it.

            “Captain MATTELLY, respond, over! Requesting heavy fire on hostile fleet!”

            “Roger that, Sicarius… ETA T-Minus 3 minutes…”

            No sooner than he said that the enemy fleet opened fire on the city, more than half of the city was either disintegrating or in ruin. The two Spec-Ops reached the Jeep at exactly the same time, and floored it to the emergency rally point. “What the **** are those things, Jason?!” Micheal yelled as they narrowly dodged a falling sky-scraper.

            “The hell if I know, but I’m not staying to find out!”

            Just then, something slammed into the side of the Jeep, sending it flipping into the mini-mart to their left.

            “Ugh… what the hell…” Micheal was cut short as the figure approached for another attack. It grabbed him by his throat and lifted him into the air.

            “Yess, my master will be very pleased to see this!” he laughed as he tossed him to the side.

            “Qué estás?!” Jason asked as he stood up, with his assault rifle at the ready.

            “Non sum missus ad interrogata respondere, tres tantum , ut occidat te...”

            Jason fired a few rounds at the creature, only to find that they passed right through him as if he were a not even there.… “What the…?!” he said as the creature sent him flying into a crumbling wall behind him.

            “You humans are really admodum praedictio … although I suppose it doesn’t surprise me, you just want what all creatures do… to survive. To live as if nothing was wrong with the world. ” He laughed as he slowly stepped towards Jason. “So tell me, why do you continue to struggle even when all hope is lost? Why get up, why continue fighting your doomed existence?”

            “If we’re living a doomed existence, I don’t want to know what you’re living!” a voice called from behind the creature.

            “Hmm, it appears your friends have arrived. How…” he was cut short as a rocket sent him flying into the far wall, apparently knocking him unconscious- or killing him.

            “Can it, *****!” Miranda said as she threw down the now empty rocket launcher, which was still smoking.  “I thought he was never going to shut up. Did you get footage?” She said as she helped Jason to his feet.

            “How could I miss documenting the first face-to-face encounter with a hostile alien race that could possibly wipe out humanity? You’re joking, right? Of course I got it!”

 “Good, let’s get moving, shall we? There’s a Cardinal waiting just outside. We picked up the civilians from the police station as well… however, we had to call in two more Cardinals for it. We also brought a new Jeep just in case…”

 

                                                               ───────

            Just then, the DSCF Helix Gammaridae appeared overhead, casting the city into darkness.

            “Alright, charge the Magnetic accelerator! Let’s teach these ******** who their dealing with…” captain Mattelly said, just as a new ship jumped in to the left.

            “HOLD YOUR FIRE! Don’t use projectiles, they have warp shields!”

            “What do you mean, warp shields? What the hell are warp shields?!”

            “They cause projectiles and plasma ammunition to pass right through them as if they were never there in the first place!”

            “How do you know this, Captain Ackerman?”

            “Because I just escaped a deathmatch with one!” he yelled through the comm.

            “Wait, if projectiles won’t work, I think I know what might…” Mattelly said as he started searching the ships munitions’ stock on the terminal to his left. “Ah, there it is…” he said as he clicked on a file titled: vapor explosives; two sub-categories. “Ok, have missile turret one load up two vapor missiles, and remotely detonate them as they pass through the enemy ship…”

            He watched as a vapor missile streaked across the sky, strait towards the enemy ship. As soon as it got close, the missile disappeared in a blinding flash, along with the front half of the enemy ship and the top twelve stories of a skyscraper below. The skyscraper began to collapse as the remaining half of the enemy ship crashed into it.

            Suddenly, the rest of the enemy fleet converged on the Helix Gammaridae, engulfing it in a hailstorm of anti-matter charges. The Helix Gammaridae responded with a barrage of vapor missiles, dropping the enemy ships one by one. “How many more of these Damned ships are there?!”

            “It looks like a full scale invasion force, captain!” said the operator to his left, “I can’t say for sure, but it looks to be around 50,000 to 100,000 ships. They’ve already either destroyed or completely blocked off most of the planet. Our only option is to either call for support or pick up the survivors and leave… sir?”

            “I will NOT let a few cocky alien ******** waltz right into my base of operations and act like they OWN the damned place! Prime a vapor missile, set it to 79,000,000 megatons. Then set a course for the Tetrion Maximus system.”

            “But, sir! That kind of force would destroy the planet… what about the civilians?!”

            “You can evacuate them, but you only have two hours to do it.” The captain said coldly.

            “But, sir! That’s nowhere near enough time… we won’t be able to save them all!” Fleet Admiral Leonus said.

            “There is no victory without sacrifice. You, of all people should know this, what with your battle record and all. Good day, Mr. Leonus.” Mattelly said as his guards escorted the Admiral out of the room.

He watched as the last fleet of cargo ships approached the Helix Gammaridae’s hangar, and a small metallic object streaked toward the planet, leaving a small trail of smoke behind it in the planets outer atmosphere as it raced to its goal. Just as it reached the thermosphere, the Admiral burst back into the bridge, erupting it into chaos. The Admiral made a run for the missile’s kill switch, only to be brought short by Mattelly’s knee to his chest. He gasped as he tried to catch his breath, but his vision started to blur, and he forgot which way was up. Two of Mattelly’s guards dragged him out of the room along with a few other officers as a Faster than light travel rupture appeared in front of the ship. The Helix Gammaridae passed through it as the planet vanished in a flash of blinding light. Mattelly found it strange that he felt no guilt for the lives he had taken today. He didn’t like it. He hated it, in fact. He had killed over fifty million people in one move, and didn’t even bat an eye in the process.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 16:

EXECUTION

          “You wanted to see me, my Lord?” Klorcon said hesitantly as he stepped into TΫrocian’s office.

            “You have failed your mission, Klorcon. But do not worry, this will undoubtedly be the last failure in your miserable life.” TΫrocian said as his office opened up into a massive platform in the center of a Colosseum of nearly 150,000,000,000 Klorbineans roaring in outrage at Klorcon’s failure. TΫrocian raised his arm, and the crowd drew silent.

            “Your failure has caught the eyes of every Klorbinean in this universe. Your death will quench their thirst for blood.” TΫrocian grabbed Klorcon by the nape of his neck and dragged him to the altar, where he dropped him to his knees.

            “But, my master! Surely you could find mercy in… wait, aaaggghhh!” he said as TΫrocian kicked him in the chest with such force, it sent him into a pillar, collapsing it. “I will not accept failure, even from you, brother. Let your death be an example to all who should stand in our way, especially those pathetic human worms!”

            He grabbed Klorcon’s left shoulder and right wrist and kicked right in between them… hard. “AGHH!!!” Klorcon screamed in agony as his shoulder blade shattered.

            “Your efforts to resist me are quite pointless, servant. They will only cause you more pain and suffering.”

            Klorcon tried to limp away, but TΫrocian stabbed him between his shoulders with his claw, forcing Klorcon to his knees. He then crushed his legs and other arm.

            “You know, Klorbinean bones are supposed to be able to withstand 5,000 Kritons of force, yet I’m breaking yours like twigs…” he drove his fist right through Klorcon’s chest, and tore him in half.

            “Feed his remains to the Devourer. I have an Empire to tend to.”

 

 

 

CHAPTER 17:

SOLAR HARVESTER

 

          “Sir! We’ve got three massive targets just outside the Kill Zone! It looks like two Motherships and… something new in the middle!” said the perimeter command officer to the Colonels left.

            “Prepare to launch a counterattack. Let’s whip these Amicitia ******** till their heads spin!” the Colonel said.

            “I’m detecting major movement from the new ship… wait, it just stopped. What the?…” he said as he zoomed in. “sir, it appears to be some sort of massive gun…”

            Just then, the new ship flashed, sending a bluish-green electrified laser straight towards the solar systems star-Sol Physical stasis.

            The star pulsed for about 12 seconds, then disintegrated, plunging the solar system into a dark, unnatural cold.

            “Holy ****! Let’s get the hell out of here, I’m not stickin’ around to get killed!” the Colonel said.

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 18:

THE

MORPHING

PLANET

 

“Ok, we’ve got the last of the supplies from the lifeboats… we’re on our way back now, captain!” Sargeant Greenfield said through his comm.

            “Roger that, Sargeant. Make it fast, we’ve only got about twenty-three minutes before this ship falls apart completely!”

            5 minutes later, the Sargeant, along with four other marines, had loaded the last of the supplies into the Cardinal.. The captain went to the cockpit and sat in the pilot’s seat. “Close that door, Sargeant, we gotta go!”

            “On it, sir!” Greenfield said as he activated the door controls. The Cardinal creaked and groaned as it lifted off the landing platform and into the air. As soon as the Cardinal left the ships hangar, they looked back at the ship, only to find that it looked nothing like the ship they had boarded two weeks ago, but more like a chunk of molten steel and iron. The sargeant looked out a window to the left and saw a reddish blueish looking planet. “Uhh, sir? Did we happen to drift while we were out?”

            “No, why?” the captain asked, not paying attention to anything but the screen in front of him.

            “Because, this planet is a reddish blue color, not bluish green like the one we found before.”

            “What? How is that possible? We were locked in full orbit of that planet, there’s no possible way we could have drifted. If anything, we should have been pulled into its atmosphere. Especially since the ship has no engine power and the main reactor is completely unresponsive. Not only that, but the backup generator doesn’t generate enough power to sustain the engines and support the essential life support and gravity generators simultaneously. It would have a full meltdown after about ten minutes, and we’d all be dead right now. Now about the planet… I don’t know what’s happened, or where we are, but I intend to find out. James, give me the feed from the exterior hull cameras since we arrived in this system. Filter out the parts with no major activity.”

            “Yes sir, but that still leaves about six hours of footage. Would you like me to review it first? See if I can catch anything in the fifteen seconds it would take me to do it?”

            “What do you think, James? God, your even more sarcastic than… well I can’t recall any extremely sarcastic people off the top of my head, but you know what I mean!”

            After about fifteen seconds of silence, James had narrowed it down to about fifteen to twenty minutes of footage, half of which was from the battle with the Aliens. The other half was stranger than the sargeant had expected… the planet was literally terraforming itself, or changing its atmosphere. It was taking a hundred year process, which required countless years of manpower and labor, and putting it into about five hours! It made one of the hardest and most time consuming processes known to man, and making it look like childs play!

            “Captain! Look, over there! That moon has a livable atmosphere. I know because I had a firebase setup there, along with a few long range and deep-space communications arrays. We can land there with the supplies we have and setup base camp for a while!” the sargeant said enthusiastically.

            “Sargeant, even if the marines in that firebase managed to survive that long, what makes you think they are going to let us land? And how do you know they aren’t corrupted by fear and turned hostile and paranoid?”

            “Because we have something they need… food and supplies. Unless they found a massive stockpile from some of the wreckage, they’re going to have to let us land. They need food, water, and medical supplies, and we need a place to stay. We could compromise.”

            Just then, the radio started crackling and an authoritative male voice came through: “Attention unidentified Aircraft! You are approaching a no-fly zone, and we will shoot you down! Identify immediately, or suffer the consequences! You have sixty seconds to comply…”

            “This is Captain Carter Freeman of the DSCF Ingenope, requesting permission to land, over. We have a large stash of supplies we gathered from the ship remains, and a few marines.”

The radio stood silent for a couple of seconds before a response came through. “Permission granted, good to hear from you again, captain. We’ve sent two Herons to escort you down. Please land on the designated landing sector, we have a few ERST’s waiting to escort you to the main base. The situation here is bad, sir. After we started running low on supplies and enforced Rations, some of the marines just snapped! We have three dead, and fourteen wounded. The ones that went crazy are in holding for now, thanks to the Sicarii we found searching the wreckage. They wouldn’t say why they were here, or even how they got here. All I know is they weren’t on the Ingenope when we arrived…”

───────

Less than fifteen minutes later, the Cardinal had landed and the supplies were being loaded onto multiple crates, which were to be transported by forklift to the storage bay below the base..

“Captain, we need to know if there are any more supplies on the ship. Even with the supplies you just brought were still running short on medical equipment. The food should last us about a year if we ration it, but after that well need to put most of our men in Physical stasis-stasis until evac arrives… but god knows how long that will take.”

“All I know is if there were any more supplies on that ship, their gone now… the ship was already falling apart when we woke up. It’s in pieces by now, so our best bet for finding anything is searching the debris that landed here, and if we’re lucky, we just might find something. I remember seeing some HAWKs in the aft hangar bay, and if the hangar survived at all, there should be at least one or two that we can repair. Not to mention the engines reactor. If we can recover it, and apply it to the firebase, we’ll have enough power to supply the base for about ten years.” The captain said knowingly.

“Damn, you really pay attention to your ship… ok, we’ll use the cargo shuttle you brought to transport the reactor and any supplies we find. Well send some technicians to repair any vehicles we find. Good luck.” Said the dispatch officer.

                                                            ───────

20 minutes later, the convoy was moving full speed searching for anything they could salvage. Just then, the ground to the right of the captain’s Jeep erupted in a ball of smoke, bits of rock, metal, and fire.  When the smoke cleared, the captain looked back to see that one of the MMBs had been destroyed. “Damn it! I thought you said the moon was uninhabited!”

“But it is… at least, we thought it was!” said the driver.

“Well, you thought wrong. Call for recon unites to search the moon entirely. I want a full topography report of every structure on the surface or below. NOW!”

“On it, sir...” the driver started speaking over the radio, giving commands to dispatch.

“Also tell them I want a defensive perimeter of base turrets and MMBs in a half mile radius of the base. Nothing gets in or out without my permission!” the captain ordered.

“Yes sir!”

“Alright everyone, saddle up! We’re reporting back to base as soon as possible. We can’t afford to blindly search this place, especially if there are hostile forces around every corner!”

            “This is dispatch. That’s a Negative, captain. We can’t risk you’re getting captured or killed on your way back to base. Have the MMBs lock a defensive perimeter around you, with a space in the middle large enough for an EVAC Cardinal to pick you up.”

            “Alright then. You heard dispatch people! Form a perimeter around my Jeep big enough for a dropship!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 18:

Secrets

Below The

Red sea

 

 

    March 2^nd, 0-200 hours

            “Sir, we have reports of strange disturbances near Africa… they’re calling for military support.” Said admiral Halmen.

            “Alright, what’s the situation?”

            “The reports say that multiple sea trade vessels have been disappearing below the Red Sea. They think the Rebels are sinking them to disrupt trade.”

            “Send a light frigate to monitor the area. Whatever it is, I want to know as soon as they hit!” said Lord Hood.

 

 

March 3^rd, 2586, 0-600 hours

 

            “Eagle scout 352, returning to base, over. Nothing sighted so far…” suddenly, a massive cargo ship got sucked under by a massive reddish black tentacle. ”What the… Target sighted, moving to engage!” said the pilot, as his wingmen started firing their side mounted machineguns into the water. As soon as the first rounds hit the water, he wished he hadn’t pulled the trigger. A loud growl erupted from the water, one with such force, the gunner tried to put his hands over his ears, but his helmet was in the way.

            “AGH! What the hell was that!? My ears, dammit!” just then, a small boat came flying out of the water, strait towards the Eagle.

            “Whoa, something just threw a damn boat at us! fall back, FALL BACK!!!” the Eagle started moving back to the frigate when suddenly one of the engines caught fire and started smoking badly.

            “Mayday, mayday! Eagle Scout 352 is hit, critical engine failure! A piece of that boat must have hit us, were going down!” the Eagle spiraled out of control and landed on a large jungle type island, where it got caught in the trees and vines about 20 meters above the ground.

            “Ugh… my head!” max, the left gunner said. He looked over his shoulder at the right gunner, Jordan, only to find there was nobody there. Only a little blood and the seat. “Oh, man! Jordan, no!”

            “Max, help me! The canopy won’t open, I’m stuck!” said the pilot.

            “On it, hold on…” max climbed down to the cockpit, where he started cutting at the vines holding it shut. He then pried it open and the pilot crawled out carefully.

            “There are jetpacks in the back, we should get one. I have a feeling those vines you cut were holding this thing up…”three minutes later, they were on the ground running for cover behind a crashed Cardinal 40ft away. As soon as they reached it, the Eagle began to fall- and fast. As soon as it hit the ground, the fuel tank ruptured, and the Eagle erupted into a fiery ball of smoke and burning jet fuel.

            “Damn! We should probably get out of here before this fire spreads. My HUD shows a clearing not far from here. It’s that way. We can call a Cardinal EVAC when we get there, Max.” said the pilot.

                                                                        ───────

            Twenty minutes later, they reached the clearing, where what looked like a makeshift military camp was setup. Max couldn’t tell for sure, but it looked suspiciously like a Rebel camp. This could be a problem, he thought…

            Just then, he heard a voice yell: “hey, you! What are you doing here? Who are you?!”

            Max pulled out his assault rifle and turned off the safety, expecting trouble, when the supposed ‘Rebel’ said: “c’mon, Max, you know me! I’m just messin’ with ya!”

            “Wait… S...Sam? Is that you?” Max stuttered, wondering how the hell Sam could be alive after what happened…

            “Who the **** else would I be? Where did you think I was all these years, dead?!” Sam said as he took off his face mask and his helmet. He looked great for a guy who’d been dead for ten years… a little too good…

            “Wait… I saw you DIE in that explosion, how the Hell are you here right now?! They looked for your body for a MONTH, and all they found was your left arm. What the hell is wrong with you? Dammit, answer me!!”

            “I…I can explain. Look, I didn’t want to have to fake my own death, but FRC has been on my ass for years, for something I may or may not have done. Look, all I’m saying is, I can’t let you leave this island.”

            “That’s not your choice to make, my friend. We’ve already got EVAC on the way, and if I’m not there, they’ll search this whole place until they find me. Do you really need that, what with FRC looking for you and all?” max said, hoping to make something in Sam’s head click and knock some sense into him.

            “I’m pretty sure they have more important things to deal with than finding a fake island.”

            “Fake? What the hell are you talking about? This island?! How the hell could it be fake? And how were YOU, of all people, able to find it?”

            “I’ll explain later, but right now, we have bigger problems at hand. C’mon, let’s go before time runs out!”

            “WE? What do you mean, WE? And what do you mean before time runs out? Before time runs out for what? You’d better start talking…”

            “Just come with me!” Sam said as he grabbed max’s and the pilots arm and pulled them into a small cave behind the camp. Strange, max hadn’t noticed it before… when they came out on the other side, Max almost couldn’t comprehend what he was seeing. An entire shipyard, hidden under an ISLAND!

            “Damn! When the hell did you build this?!”

            “I had nothing to do with it. That is, until my friend Tom over there found me stranded on the beach here. They took me in, cleaned me up, and strapped me with armor and some weapons. They’re currently finishing up on that Heavy Interceptor cruiser there. Its hull is strong enough to take three Hypercannonrounds head on from one of those orbital guns. And it has enough firepower to cook an Amicitia supercarrier. This baby is the real deal.”

            “God DAMN! When did they start building this thing? And where are you getting the resources from?”

            “They started two months ago, and we’re getting supplies from those ships we’ve been sinking. And earlier, when you said ‘what do you mean by before time runs out’, I meant that we intercepted a message from THE DARK ONES saying that a stealth fleet was inbound to Earth. Everyone here will be dead in fifteen hours. Well, everyone apart from me, you, and the troops here.”

            “You mean the Rebels you so blindly joined?”

            “They’re not Rebels, they’re a small black ops faction. They told me so themselves.”

            “You always were one to fall prey to easy lies, Sam. Now if you’ll excuse us, we have a shipyard to destroy.”

            “Why would you destroy the only chance we have at avoiding a Dark Ones invasion? Whatever the case, I’m not going to let you. GUARDS!!!” Sam said as he pulled out his pistol. A few seconds later, four guards armed with shotguns and full body armor came through a door on either side of Max or the pilot. Two grabbed max by his arms and another knocked the pilot out and threw him over his shoulder. “Take them to the holding cells. And keep an eye on them!” said Sam.

                                                                        ───────

 

            About four hours later, Sam emerged through a doorway on the other side of the room and walked up to Max’s cell. “You do realize that you’ve committed treason, right? What the hell is wrong with you!? I offer you a safe haven aboard our ship, and you refuse it. Threaten to blow it up even!”

            “I don’t have a God damn clue what you’re talking about, Sam. The only one committing treason in this room is you. Have you even been paying attention to the signs they’ve put on the ship? The Rebel symbols? You’re a God damned fool if you think that’s Black Ops. Why don’t you open this door and face me like a man? Well? You always were one to cower from a fight. ******* cowards, all of you! I hope you DIE and burn in HELL!”

            “Temper, temper! I wouldn’t get an attitude with me quite yet. You haven’t even seen the show!”

            “The show? What the **** are you talking about?” just then, the whole facility started rumbling as if it were collapsing. Max turned around and looked out the small window at the back of his cell. As soon as he looked, he wished he hadn’t. The ship was launching, and heading straight for the heavy cruiser overhead! They were going to ram it! He knew he had to do something, but what?

            “Beautiful, isn’t it? You think I didn’t know I was joining the Rebels? I knew all along, and I faked my own death to do it!”

            “You’re ******* insane! You think I’m a fool, huh? Well, they know you’re coming, and your ship will never break orbit! I was transmitting audio to that frigate since I found you.”

            “You son of a b-“ he was cut off mid-sentence as a massive explosion, the sound of a HYPERCANNON  from a ship, erupted and tore through the engineering sector of the cruiser.

            Max looked out the window just in time to see the cruiser’s engines to explode, and the ship crashing into the Red Sea. He turned back around, only to find Sam and the four guards sprawled around the room in a bloody mess, and a SICARIUS standing in front of the cell. Sam was gasping for air, but the SICARIUS ignored him. The SICARIUS punched the door once, and ripped it off its hinges.

            “We need to leave. They’ll be looking for that ******* by now.” Max said as the SICARIUS turned around and took cover behind the doorway. He tossed a grenade through the door, and, as expected, heard a man yell “GRENADE!!!” and an explosion.

The SICARIUS pulled out two SMG’s and burst through the door firing in all directions. When the firing stopped, six bodies clumped to the floor and Max looked in.

            “Come on, soldier, we need to get out of here. This base is rigged to blow in twenty minutes!”

            “Rigged to blow? You knew about this place?”

            “Obviously, but we couldn’t attack with that cruiser in the hangar and the whole place on high alert. We waited till they were confident they would win, and here we are.” Said the SICARIUS as they crossed into a cargo port. The SICARIUS pointed to a Cardinal on the far side of the platform, and said: “there’s our ride, but we have to cross this platform to get there. It won’t be easy. For you, anyway.

            About ten minutes later, the SICARIUS and Max were back on the orbital station CAIRO and on their way to debriefing. The DSCF had made a devastating blow to the now strong Rebel terrorist group, and they wouldn’t be a problem for at least two weeks or so.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                   

RISE OF THE

ANCIENTS

Book two:

THE RIFT WARS

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Prologue:

“Make sure the rift is still secure, Klorcon. We leave this wretched planet in two cycles.”

“Yes, my lord! If I may…”

“You may not, Klorcon. Do not test my patience today, brother. I am already beginning to regret letting you live after that last incident. You do not want to get on my bad side, now do you?”

“No My Lord, but I must inform you of a massive Concierge force moving infinitely closer to our home world.”

“Those insects are no threat to us. But still, this brings new perspective to my approaches. The tide of this War must be shifted once more to our advantage… prepare my fleet, and have them ready for departure in exactly two rotations.” said TΫrocian as he watched a battle playback through his viewport screen. “Go now, Klorcon, time is of the essence.” He said in his ever cocky tone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 1:

TΫrocian’s Rage

 

TΫrocian let out a roar of outrage as he stabbed one Fyronian through his neck with his claw, and backhanded another through a wall. “You fools dare challenge me?” he said as he tore the first Fyronians head off. “I do not have time for you pathetic worms, now WHERE IS MY DEVICE!!!???”

“We will not allow you to leave this facility!” said one of the Fyronian guards, just before TΫrocian picked him up by his neck.

“I take orders from no one, especially a creature as pathetically weak and pitiful as you!” he said as he crushed his neck and tossed him into another Fyronian twenty feet away. “Subside your efforts to impede my progress immediately, or you shall suffer my wrath!” TΫrocian said as he moved a near-impossible speeds tearing down an entire Fyronian army on his way to the lockdown cell.

He looked over at a platform about three hundred meters away at a Fyronian sniper trying to get a shot and said “why do you attempt to hide from me, puny prosurdeon? I can sense your presence!” he said as he raised his arm. The Fyronian’s body lifted into the air and started glowing. Just then, the Fyronian’s body vanished, only to reappear right in front of TΫrocian, where he was stabbed through his stomach and tossed against a wall to his right.

“Why do you persist, why even try to stop me? It’s pathetic, really, to waste your lives in such a way.” TΫrocian said as he approached the Fyronian Knight guarding the door. He raised his bolt shot to TΫrocian’s head and got ready to fire, when he felt a surge of pain through his kidneys and fell to the floor in a bloody heap. He tore the door apart effortlessly with one claw, and walked into the facility where sixteen Fyronian Specialist Knights were waiting, with scattershots and incineration cannons at the ready.

“Desist immediately, intruder, and your sentence shall be less harsh!” the Fyronian in the middle said shakily, hoping the Demonic figure would obey.

“My sentence? My, you really are fools, aren’t you? I shall make an example of you for the rest of your kind. You see, your race is no match for me or my armies, and you are all imprudent for believing otherwise! Final offer, subside your efforts immediately, and I may consider sparing your lives.”

            “NEVER! I will stand by my beliefs and uphold the very Mantle I swore to protect!”

            “I would watch your tone if I were you. I have the power to single handedly end your race, starting with you!” TΫrocian raised his arm in a chocking motion and all 16 of the knights lifted off the ground, clutching their throats in agony. He then flicked his wrist outward, sending them into a wall, where their biological forms disintegrated into dust. “And so, I bid you farewell!” he said as He picked up the device on the table, and vanished into thin air.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 2:

HIGH

 COURT

 OF THE

 FYRONIANS

           

“How on Tyrorum did this happen, Fymann? You said it was the most secure facility we have?” said the Fyronian in blue, Torgaan.

“It is! Well, it was. Theres just no possible way he could have gotten through three thousand guards single-handedly!”

“Well, he did. And everyone wants someone too look towards to blame. Well, seeing as you were in charge of defending it, that person would be you, Fymann.”

“I may well have been placed in charge of the particulate described, but I am underfunded, under militarized. I had very little numbers to stop this foe, and yet you still directly blame me? By the gods, you are worse than the tyshoclorbines found in a torgin cargonian!”

“Mind your tone, that sort of language is not to be tolerated in this court! Your punishment is probation. You now have no military command whatsoever, much less any political, for the next fifteen orbitals. Dismissed!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 3:

 VIVENS ADVANCE

 

          “TΫrocian, my lord, we have discovered a vivens outbreak in Rtonia. The people of that world are asking for your help my lord. That offworld is an important mining facility and we cannot afford to lose it!”

            “I care not for that world. My priorities lie elsewhere. However, the infection cannot be permitted to spread, so you will take one ship and destroy the planet.”

            “But, my lord! That world has over 10 billion inhabitants! We cannot just…”

            “Silence you animal! Do as I command or I will personally ensure your death, servant! Go now, my patience draws near its end!” TΫrocian said as he ripped a command screen off the wall and threw it across the room. The servant turned and ran out the room.

                                                                        __________________

            “Die parasite! You will suffer the wrath of my master and be forced back into the pathetic wormhole you crawled out of!” the servant said as he berserker against the vivens at lightning speed. Unfortunately, the vivens had already infected many of the Klorbineans on the planet and had possessed their ability of speed and strength. It had taken a full twenty cycles of combat to finally overrun and kill the Klorbinean warrior. “Noooo! Destroy the planet…. Hurry!”

            It took only a few cycles to collapse the planet into a black hole, which was detonated by the ships command room before it could suck them in. they then harvested the remains of the black hole, collecting the Dark matter, Dark energy, and Anti-matter created when a Black Hole collapses.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHEPTER 4:

DREADFUL PLAN

          “Is the assault fleet ready?” Torgaan asked as he overlooked the shipyard on his home world.

            “Yes” said Fymann, “commander, if I may, why not send a few platoons of Dylopians we have been developing?”

            “Because, Fymann, they are still DEVELOPING, you fool. You just said so yourself. They are unready, and have not finished field testing. Their numbers are dwindlingly low, not even enough for a full platoon.  Their combat efficiency has proven exemplary in the few tests we have put them through, but since we don’t have many built, they will only be effective but for a short time. And besides, what will we do if they fail? That’s years of research and progress destroyed, and we will have to restart the program with what little research we will have left.”

            “I’m saying we only send a few, on ops missions to retrieve objects and eliminate high value targets. If they don’t do as planned… we resort to Project Overshield.”

            “No! We swore never to speak of this again!” Torgaan said, taken aback by Fymann’s outburst.

            “I’m only saying it could be our last resort! Hear me out, please!”

            “Very well, Fymann. Two battle teams of Dylopians. However, if after ten rotations, if there is no success, we will move to Project Overshield. Agreed?”

            “Agreed.” Said Fymann as they went their separate ways.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

         

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 5:

CONCIERGE ALLIANCE

 

            “Commander, the Fyronians need our support. The Dark Ones are pushing them back to their age of darkness. They will soon go extinct if we do not support them immediately.”

            “Very well, we shall help them. Prepare our fleet, we cannot be discovered by the Fyronians if we are to help them. Keep all contact discreet, we must remain vigilant!” said the Concierge’s commander.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 6:

NO

MERCY

 

Torgaan was walking to his chamber on the world of Intaree when he saw his old mentor, Rogarcen, walking in the opposite direction towards him.

            “Hello Torgaan. I hear you have finally made something of yourself. How has it been, friend? Off to rest so soon?”

            “Apparently so. It appears this command position can do a number on my body system and drain me much faster than before.”

            “it appears so. Anything new on the Dark Ones?”

            “Yes, they recently attacked one of our facilities and stole a device we recovered from a battle. Whatever it was, it must have been important, because the one who took it killed over three thousand guards in order to get to it. He barely even took a scratch on his armor!”

            “It seems they do not wish for us to even possess their technology or harvest the power of it. Have you considered this may be a foe we cannot defeat? They have already taken more from us than even the Khanese, except these warriors aren’t large snakes with very unadvanced technology. And their leader? Have your men found out where he is yet?”

            “Unfortunately not. He is well hidden and their race is far advanced compared to ours. Our chances of surviving this as a species are slim. Why do they wage this war with us so blindly? It is like they do not wish for anyone but them to exist in this universe, and those who do survive will be enslaved or killed as well!”

            “It is just as well that we find a safe haven for ourselves. If we do not hide and build up, we will undoubtedly be killed off. Excuse me, but I must report to a meeting. I will speak with you later, old friend. my apologies for having to cut you short.” He said as he prepared to leave to the meeting.

            “no worries my firend.”

[MJTOWER]

What the hell does this mean?

 

Copyrights are rights. I mean, 'Rights' is in the damn word!

 

In any case, I'm confused. Chapters in books - even scholastic ones - tend to last longer than a few pages. Quite a few of your chapters probably will be grateful to pass the halfway mark of an A5 page - unless scholastic decides to increase the font size to 100 or something.

 

The Good:

 

Uhhhhhhh

 

huh

 

The use of punctuation is good. Lack of grammatical errors is always a good thing, and although there are one or two spelling errors it's otherwise well polished. I don't like the continuous use of short, basic paragraphs but the structure of paragraphing is certainly good. It doesn't look like it has depth, but it certainly doesn't look stupid, the latter of which is a pro.

 

The Bad:

- That confusion I have above? It's a con. Super short chapters are a con, because they end up explaining nothing. Indeed, any form of introduction to characters in the story seem to have been relegated to a brief mention; it's as though everybody is a side character who are doomed to become cannon fodder.

- As Caboose said, very basic sentences. Describing the situation, doing so from a characters point of view to let the readers be more empathetic to them, is always something that'll help draw the reader's attention.

- Basic narrative structure that only books for kids would have. Do we have description of setting? Like, one or two sentences every chapter where we have a new setting. Do we have a description of the context? Of time period? Nope. The 5 W's of Writing - Who, What, When, Where, Why, have all been shoved away in favour of:

- What appears to be childlike hyping for an enemy who appears in cartoons akin to singular episodes of Ben 10 crossed over with Pokemon and Thomas the Tank Engine. 'The Dark Ones?' It feels heavily like a childlike take on monsters from the Dark Dimension or something, hell bent on invading the world except for that one good guy who represents all the things that kids should learn to be good people when they grow up.

 

 

Conclusion: 

We don't know where we are.

We don't know who we're following.

We don't know why anyone is doing anything.

We don't know what's going on.

We don't know how this relates to the timeline of the Halo canon as we know it.

 

So what do we know?

 

Not much. 

 

It does't seem well that 5 chapters have passed out of...is it 18? And we know absolutely nothing.

 

 

ok i see that. keep in mind this is the first book ive ever written. im working on a new one that i will not reveal anything of because it is my own work and im not letting anyone take it and make profit off my work. anyways, im trying to fix the short chapters, but its not as easy as you think. i try to keep it brief to add suspence, to make the reader want to know more, so they will keep reading. besides, id like to see your work, no offense. anyways, if my new book actually gets finished and i dont lose any of it or get ripped off, ill be happy to give you and caboose a free copy, authors edition, after its published. i hope you would enjoy it.

 

[BaconShelf]

 

 

 

Are you seriously suggesting selling a for-profit Halo work? That is such copyright infringement- a publisher would simply laugh and tell you you can't do it. If you self-publish, have fun. The last guy I saw trying to sell Fanfiction got taken off amazon within the day.

 

So good luck with that.

 

 

 

Are you seriously suggesting selling a for-profit Halo work? That is such copyright infringement- a publisher would simply laugh and tell you you can't do it. If you self-publish, have fun. The last guy I saw trying to sell Fanfiction got taken off amazon within the day.

 

So good luck with that.

[MJTOWER]

Are you seriously suggesting selling a for-profit Halo work? That is such copyright infringement- a publisher would simply laugh and tell you you can't do it. If you self-publish, have fun. The last guy I saw trying to sell Fanfiction got taken off amazon within the day.

 

So good luck with that.

 

 

 

 

Are you seriously suggesting selling a for-profit Halo work? That is such copyright infringement- a publisher would simply laugh and tell you you can't do it. If you self-publish, have fun. The last guy I saw trying to sell Fanfiction got taken off amazon within the day.

 

So good luck with that.

well, the thing with that.... its not a halo book, its my own thing now. i changed the names, the characters, and all that. then i quit on it in favor of my own personal book, based off of my brain. i have gotten an 8 out of ten (10 being the best) from everyon who i let read the first three chapters. i am a very talented writer, and the book is very descriptive, unlike the one seen above or below. that was my first book. the one im currently on is my fifth.

 

[MJTOWER]

hey guys, if anyone's reading this, ive been working on it every once in a while. just so you know, its my own work now, and has no relation to halo. maybe a few nods, but nothing copyrightable. also, ive taken a lot of you guys advice in my writing and am being much more descriptive. im older now and have quite a bit more experience.