Halo: Sengheli of redemption.

[MJTOWER]

this is a new fan fiction im writing its when the prophets are trying to make the elites join the covenant and were following an elite by the name of Kyne Shan toche. he is a former religious leader and clan leader of the sengheli clan Shynukon. he is under pressure from an old freind of his whom is trying to get him to reassume his leadership role, but he doesnt think he can because of a tragic event that caused him to quite before. hope you post pros and cons and hope you enjoy!

HALO:SengheliOf redemption Chapter 1:Kyne Shan toche“Greetings vantino. How have you been?” Kyne asked. “I am fine. And you?” “I am alright. What has happened to our capitol city? Why is it in ruin?” “The San 'Shyuum have declared war on us. They wish to force our people into slavery and have us do their bidding! It is outrageous!” “Why has no one tried to stop them? Why are we all standing around like ritoshias? Are we not to rise up and stop this treachery?” Kyne asked, confused as to why they would let this happen. “They are afraid, Kyne. They need your leadership. Please, Kyne, reclaim your position As leader! Help us!” Vantino pleaded. “No! I swore never to take that oath again, not after what happened to Ciona… I don’t want to feel like I have no power to save my loved ones in those situations… I can’t go through that again, Vantino, please don’t make me do this… I’m begging you.” Kyne said as a tear streaked down his face. “I’m sorry, Kyne, but the sengheli race needs your leadership. You’re the only one with the strategic capabilities to resist these foolish invaders. Please, don’t make us suffer any more than we already have!” “I will not be held responsible for any more deaths… not after my inability to save Ciona… she was right there, yet so far away… WHY!?!?” he fell to his knees and started crying silently. “I see you want to be left alone… I will leave you to your lonesome. But please, at least consider it… for Ciona. Do it for her. Goodbye, Kyne.”  Chapter 2:Undefined solitude Kyne backed into the corner of his bedroom and curled into a ball. Why was he so emotional right now? This wasn’t like him, he was usually so strong and powerful, yet, right now he could barely stand without crying again. About 2 solar rotations later, he realized he hadn’t eaten or slept since he last saw Vantino. he stood slowly and went to his food storage. Hmm, nothing good, Only grane worms. Well, they would have to do for now. He picked them up and went to his bed. He sat there eating for what seemed like forever thinking of how Ciona had died, and how many ways he could have save her, each time he felt ten times more guilt. He couldn’t get her ironic last words out of his head: “If you could be a hero and save lives, but had to lose someone you loved to do it, would you?”… No, no, no, no, no, no, no! He was now starting to hate himself for thinking of it again. He wished he could at least see her face, or even talk to her one last time… he never even got to say goodbye. Why was life so cruel? ! Why couldn’t he have been 2 feet closer to her, to catch her? Why did she have to be the one to fall off the ship, why couldn’t it have been him? Damn it, why?! He stood a few cycles later and went to his lavatory, where he leaned against the sink and stared at himself in the mirror. He looked sad and pathetic, but he still couldn’t find a reason to clean himself or even speak to anyone. He couldn’t even find a reason to keep living this pathetic life. He let his head hang from his shoulders as he started to feel a sudden rush of nausea. Just then, everything started to fade, and he couldn’t tell which way was up, and he passed out in a heap on the floor… 
as you read, notice key things you will see later, such as Kyne's "dead" wife, Ciona, short for Cionashinkonti, and the fact that the capitol city is burning and the fact that Kyne has a medical condition that is rare and deadly among his species. hope you enjoyed it so far.
oops, forgot to post the third chapter... let me finish it real quick...

ok, before an argument breaks out, he is not a weakling, he is overwhelmed with emotion at the time, and cannot help it. he is usually presented as an un-breakable tough guy figure.

anyways, this is long before even the grunts are in the covenant, or even the hunters. (those are hints at halo 2 anniversary terminals, watch on youtube.)

if this were a movie im making, the intro would be either linkin park, eminem, or hollywood undead. ill post a few songs and you tell me what sounds better.Linkin park: shadow of the day; hands held high; and leave out all the rest.Eminem:when im gone; guts over fear; and headlightsHollywood ndead: believe; outside; and this love, this hate. choose one artist, then one song

srry, its HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD

and please, no trash talk or rude comments. only pros, cons, and constructive criticism. CONSTRUCTIVE!
(IMPORTANT):THIS IS A WIP(WORK IN PROGRESS)SO POST IDEAS, CHAPTERS, OR EVEN CHARACTERS AND EVENTS.

[Composite Armour]

It needs formatting.

It needs a proof read.

[D-38 Boss]

This needs.... a lot of work.

 

Primarily in spelling, grammar, and formatting. Take a look at some other stories to see how they are structured.

[Surveillance]

I have a question, is your first language English?

Edited November 30, 2014 by HaloGeek

[MJTOWER]

thanks for the feedback, but i literally just started writing this tonight. yes my first language was english, why?

 

 

 

It needs formatting.

It needs a proof read.

 feel free to post ideas, as i said.

[Buns]

Fairly interesting take on Elite culture. Not going to give much feedback till I see more.

 

Although you need to format the paragraphs.

[MJTOWER]

i formatted them in microsoft word, but when i pasted them here, they un-formatted for some reason...

so, Bnus, anything you would like to see happen later in the book? im looking for ideas, like battle scenes and junk.

[Caboose The Ace]

There is nothing more that I would say that has not been said already.

 

But don't give up on writing, keep working at it, you will get better.