Late Reviews with Yoshi Volume 5: Final Fantasy XIII

[Yoshi1176]

Late Reviews With Yoshi: Volume 5

 

Final Fantasy XIII

 

 

I have chosen to continue my in depth and very accurate reviews because a very dedicated member of the late reviews fan club by the name of Yoshifan99 has begged for the continuation of the series.

 

Like I said I will be reviewing Final Fantasy XIII, while I do not necessarily like the game series I will, like always give an unbiased opinion on the game.

 

I will grade this game out of 50 points 10 points for each important section of the game.

 

Final fantasy is a game about nothing, you Final Fantasy fans can tell me all about how good the lore and story and atmosphere is, but lets get down to business, you run around a world killing weak enemies just to fight a boss, you then get to use some shiny weapons new cloths and find a few allies. At some point in the franchise Mickey Mouse and his gang ended up in the story and nothing really happened. All you need to know about this game is that you run around and open world fight bad guys and follow a pretty simple story line which makes you complete simple quests.

 

Combat: 2/10

 

The combat sucks in this game, it works like it does in Pokemon, the screen flashes and then you are in a battle were you pick moves for your Anime like hero to use. Don't get me wrong  Pokemon is a great game but for Christs sake, in that game you are ordering around a yellow squirrel not a person. I expected more from a game who had 13 games at the time. The enemies are pathetic until you get to the boss but 90% you kill it within five minutes.

 

Environment: 7/10

 

The environment is alright, Sometimes you find a tree or a rock and it looks very pretty. MAYBE IF THEY PUT EFFORT INTO THE GAME INSTEAD OF A ROCK YOU'D HAVE A GOOD GAME. This reminds me of a game that was released not to long ago. The world is very pretty to look at but the game is just atrocious. Yep I'm talking about Destiny a game based on getting new armor. Hell Final Fantasy 13 is better than Destiny. They did score high in this category because it is pretty and very large worlds, the game itself lacks in the fact that besides seeing what goes through some mid-aged Japanese dudes mind nothing really happens.

 

Characters: Racist/10

 

The main hero is just a common man or woman that turns out to be a hero, the real twist comes into the allies and NPC's. The only black guy in this game has an afro. I think that's just a little messed up because why can't he have a normal haircut why does it have to be stereotypical? The enemies just look like skeletons and robots, same thing as any other game. The characters look as if they were created in the mind of a three year old on acid. 

#notimpressed

 

Fans: 10/10

 

While I don't know what is mentally wrong with the fans behind Final Fantasy they are persistent, I find people dressing up as the characters in that game all the time and people actually have forums dedicated to game. Can you believe that? Like I said they aren't very smart but there are a lot of them.

 

Story/Quests: 3/10

 

If you are a smart person you have played Skyrim. You go on quests to find the farmers ring that he lost in the dragons lair. Well the story is sort of like that, you have a billion side quests that take a few minutes to complete to distract you from the fact that the main story sucks, the side quests are more rewarding simply because you know there is an end and a solution unlike in Final Fantasy were there are 65 games were you have to solve similar issues. How long does it take to solve an issue for gods sake?

 

Final Fantasy XIII scored 22/50 + one racism point which takes the final score down to 20.

 

The really is something awful. The only good thing is the way the game looks, the fans are numerous but just weird to say the least. The game is racist and sexist because I am sure there is something in there that will **** them feminists off (They are always complaining)

 

If you do decide to get this game don't do the quests or story. Just look at the world, and maybe troll some fansites.

 

Final Fantay XIII will release December 17th 2009, so place your orders now!

 

Here's the guy that made this game: Markus Persson

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Wam]

A very honest and very blunt review. I agree with the ratings Yoshi has given. Final Fantasy, bee-yoo-tee-full, yet terrible story, and don't even start me on the combat. "Characters: Racist/10"

[rrhuntington]

"Characters: Racist/10"

That part made me laugh pretty hard when I was just skimming through at the start.

 

Also That Mickey Mouse Line, I can't tell if that's a reference to What I think it is or not.

 

I've never really been all about Final Fantasy either. Don't know how there's been 15 of them.

 

Great Review, 2 gud 4 me. 10 Burgah Boy Pukes out of 10. The Review not the game. But it is bettah than Destiny. but they're all bahd.

[Fishy]

[Connor Kenway]

I haven't paid much attention to FF XV buuut if the combat system is as bad as this then I know only one reason most male gamers will get FF XV:

 

 

 

As for the review, it is pretty true FF is pretty but gameplay wise meh whats next on the review list Yosh?

[Yoshi1176]

 

I haven't paid much attention to FF XV buuut if the combat system is as bad as this then I know only one reason most male gamers will get FF XV:

 

 

 

As for the review, it is pretty true FF is pretty but gameplay wise meh whats next on the review list Yosh?

 

Tune in Friday to find out

[Mystic]

i like that game review

[Spyro]

As a long time fan of the FF series, I can honestly tell you that you chose one of the worst titles to review. XIII (and all of it's "part"s) are dubbed the worst FF games ever created by Square Enix. Yes, the combat is essentially the same, but as to whether or not it's a "yellow squirrel" or a person, it's still a video game and all that matters is how much fun it is. The combat system is more about strategy than running around dodging shots and trying to counter attack, you have to out-think the AI in order to win, which is where many fans, myself included, find the most fun in the game. A fairly nice review though, though I would say it seems a tad bit biased. Keep 'em up and I'll be sure to read the next one as well.

[Fishy]

As a long time fan of the FF series, I can honestly tell you that you chose one of the worst titles to review. XIII (and all of it's "part"s) are dubbed the worst FF games ever created by Square Enix. Yes, the combat is essentially the same, but as to whether or not it's a "yellow squirrel" or a person, it's still a video game and all that matters is how much fun it is. The combat system is more about strategy than running around dodging shots and trying to counter attack, you have to out-think the AI in order to win, which is where many fans, myself included, find the most fun in the game. A fairly nice review though, though I would say it seems a tad bit biased. Keep 'em up and I'll be sure to read the next one as well.

Spyro. I have no idea if you understand why Yoshi does these reviews or not. However, they're all like this. He's even reviewed Pong, and that game got a better rating score than Destiny. You have to read them all, then you'll understand. XD

[Spyro]

Spyro. I have no idea if you understand why Yoshi does these reviews or not. However, they're all like this. He's even reviewed Pong, and that game got a better rating score than Destiny. You have to read them all, then you'll understand. XD

But Pong is legitimately better than Destiny. ;-;

[Fishy]

But Pong is legitimately better than Destiny. ;-;

Yes it is, Spyro. Yes it is. Even Yoshi said so in the review.