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Funny Jokes


ZB-85

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JUST SO EVERYONE IS AWARE CAN WE KEEP THE JOKES CLEAN PLEASE, NO RUDE OR OFFENSIVE ONES, AND KEEP THE BAD LANGUAGE AWAY PLEASE. THE FORUM IS VISITED BY PEOPLE OF ALL AGES, THANK YOU SPECTRAL JESTER




Pretty simple, put a funny joke. Please try to keep the jokes appropriate.

I'll start:
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

Now your turn. Have fun!! Edited by ZB-85
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An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

 

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

 

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

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There's 3 women on a plane, one redhead, one brunette, one blonde.

The pilot says they can each throw one small object off the plane.

The readhead throws an apple, the brunette an orange, and the blonde a grenade.

When the plane lands the three women go their separate ways.

The redhead is walking and sees a little girl crying and asks what happened, the girl replied "An apple fell out of the sky and killed my grandma"

The brunette is walking and sees a little boy crying and asks what happened, the boy replied "An orange fell out of the sky and killed my dog"

The blonde is walking and sees another blonde laughing hysterically, and asks what she is laughing at, to which she replied "I farted and the building behind me blew up"

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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One says, “I think I’ve lost an electron.”

The other says, “Are you sure?”

The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…”

 

 

 

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "why the long face"

the horse not able to speak, looks around confused, turns around and walks out of the bar

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So, the man asks the bartender to recommend a good drink.

 

The bartender says "how 'bout a grasshopper?" So, the guy orders a grasshopper.

 

Then he's walking home and along the way, he notices a grasshopper.

 

He says to the grasshopper "You know there's a drink named after you?"

 

The grasshopper then says, "There's a drink named Irving?"

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An English, Irish and Scottish man were arguing on the hospital ward who was the most careless.

 

The English guy said, "I'm the most careless, this morning I ramped a pavement and went head on into a wall, totally writing my car off, and now I have to wear this neck brace."

 

"Wow that is careless." Said the Scottish man, "Not as careless as me though. This morning I drove straight through a red light and into the side of a van. My car is a write off and I've fractured my shoulder."

 

"That is careless." Said the Irish man, "Not as careless as me though. This morning I took a corner too fast, spiraled out of control, went straight into a lamppost and broke both of my legs."

 

"That is careless." Said the English man, "But what happened to your car?"

"What car?" Replied the Irish man, "I was walking."

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